Which way forward?

See ba,

Every single day, I pray that God removes the spirit of tribalism from Nigeria and Nigerians.

This thing has become a cancer to that nation. You go online, and every day it's so sad to see what our young people are being exposed to in the name of tribalism. Slowly but surely, it is definitely moving offline as well.

Among the countless things our parents’ generation really dropped the ball on, one of the most painful is the fact that they ingrained this devilish culture in so many members of my generation. Unfortunately, I can’t even say it's getting better because, despite all the education and wokeness, it’s still being passed down and getting more deeply rooted than ever.

Since I can remember, and at four-year intervals, this tribalism rubbish escalates and becomes worse as politics and politicians weaponise it in a bid to get elected. And it becomes a vicious cycle as bigotry becomes normalised from the top. Of course, when public figures, people elected or appointed to represent millions, could publicly speak ethnic hate and suffer no consequences, it only follows that their sheep naturally follow. Meanwhile, over the years, it flares up in real time and shows its ugly side in normal interactions. 

Social media has made this thing soo much worse.

There’s this recent advert of a young woman promoting a supermarket and making a very derogatory reference to a particular tribe as cheats in the street markets, which sparked this post.

The worst part is that it’s not one-sided by any means. All parties and tribes regularly take turns to use ethnic slurs and derogatory words to each other without thinking of the consequences online and offline.

Truth is, even at my own level, it took education, exposure, and lots of intentional unlearning to drop most of these preconceived notions. But how many others can say the same?

At some point, I  just shake my head in despair and pray for that country,

Barawo Banza!!

 Hey guys

Why are people like this ehn??

So, ever since I can remember, Chioma and I do our grocery shopping on a monthly basis, and it's been the same over here in the UK, where It's even easier and more convenient. We load up a trolley and God bless ASDA, they have these self-checkout scanners and a ‘’Scan and Go’’ trolley section where you can check out everything you’ve bought without the hassle of the crazy queues.

We love it.

However, the entire system is based entirely on trust, and you must ensure that you’ve pre-scanned every single item meticulously. From time to time, the system randomly selects you for a physical check by the staff. This used to be so irritating because, at some point, we assumed (insert eye roll here) it was just singling us out every time for no apparent reason. To be fair, this doesn't happen every time, but when it does, it’s very inconvenient because they have to start unpacking the goods we’ve carefully arranged in the stacked trolley. But dear ladies and gentlemen, after recent events and watching a certain documentary on the BBC, I fully understand and sympathize with these stores and fully support why they do this.

This nation is full of fucking shoplifters!!!😡😡

It makes my blood boil with rage. For a country where the trust level is so high and the national character is to generally be a good person, seeing some people behave this way is really jarring. 

The worst part is that because the government hasn't really put in place strict laws about shoplifting, these criminals get away with it all the time and even when they get caught, they get a slap on the wrist and that's it. For most stores, despite having store guards and security personnel, the policy is mostly “do not engage them physically, but do what you can to prevent it from happening”. 

How does that even make sense?

So the security have to watch people either physically or on the CCTV, and most times, resort to asking these thieves to return items when they try to walk out!!. The fact that you can't physically accost them (apparently, to avoid them suing for injuries or anything else) mean that the bastards actually walk out brazenly from stores with pilfered items and actually get away with it most times if they feel they can intimidate staff. Most stores can’t even afford to have security and the poor staff are forced to do this as part of their routine.

Bruh! It's a crazy situation.

This particular documentary in question shows so many instances of shoplifting happening in real time, and believe it or not, actually interviews a couple of these thieves who are confident enough to be interviewed about their stealing habits (they anonymise them, though) and have no scruples about telling the world about the fact that they steal.

I know Naija is a crazy place full of corruption and all sorts of fuckery, however, stealing/petty thievery is one of those things that comes with very high risk, and if you decide to get into it, you also have to be prepared to accept dire consequences. In other words, fuck around and find out. Of course, there are shoplifters back home and such, but I mean, we’ve seen people lynched to death for such behaviour.

And yes, I fully recognize the irony of this. We are happy to turn a blind eye to politicians getting away with looting and robbing the country, but will happily lynch people for shoplifting.

Over here. It’s gotten to the point where the estimated amount lost to shoplifting is roughly 3 billion pounds annually. Mad o!! 

Tbh, Chioma and I have, on possibly two or three occasions, seen active shoplifters grabbing stuff from the shelves and running out of stores. In most cases, these thieves are teenagers and young people as well. Badly behaved children who will want to steal just for the fun of it and start shouting and cursing shop staff when they are caught. In my opinion, they should be thoroughly slapped to reset their brains.

I’m not sure why it gets to me like this, and maybe because of the way we were raised (May Nze’s soul rest in peace) by wonderful parents or the fact that we’re just naturally good people, I really can't understand why people do shit like this. Its downright wicked and annoying.

Aaarghhh!!!!

Anyway…rant over.

High on Confidence

 Hey Guys, so my beautiful cousin Confidence invited us to her graduation ceremony and I was happy to attend. Chioma and I have both been very involved with her coming over and settling down in the UK, so we were really proud as punch to see that she really smashed it out of the park and graduated with top honours from the University of Suffolk.

Nah fam, she really tried. This babe would spend unending time at the school library (reminiscent of my own time at the East London Uni library, recall here) reading up, working on her projects and juggling school work and trying to survive in an unfamiliar town with a limited support system.

Anyway, she capped it all off with a distinction and was also given a special recognition award for being the most impactful student within her cohort!! Awesome stuff. I guess the brains all run in the family.

Chioma couldn't make it, so I travelled down to Ipswich and repped the family. Got there a bit late due to some delays on the train but got there well in time to celebrate with her and her boyfriend, Emerie, who had travelled down from Germany for the occasion.

It was good to be back in Ipswich. Small, beautiful town with friendly people and a good vibe. We took lots of pictures and went out to lunch at a great bistro nearby, which I had been to on my previous visit. We video called the fam back home and I could see the pride and joy in Aunty Theresa and Uncle Emma’s faces as we spoke to them. Amazing stuff.

It was a wonderful occasion and I headed back home very happy and proud of her.

This is now

This was back on her first day

Love, in the land of the Bard

 Hi folks.

Further to their earlier engagement, which I mentioned here, our lovebirds went all out to complete their union. We got invited to their wedding, which they had arranged to happen in Stratford-upon-Avon.

As most Literature students will know, this small, famous town is the birthplace of the greatest poet and playwright, and of course, with the Brits being who they are, they never let anyone forget about it. The entire town and its surrounding areas were all themed after Shakespeare. There were pubs, streets, monuments, statues, and areas named after him. They even had a hop-on, hop-off bus tour of the area, and it's no wonder there were loads of tourists in the area.

Anyway, it was scheduled for a Thursday, and we (Myself, Chioma, and her Mum, who had traveled over for it) traveled down to Stratford and checked into a very quaint hotel located in the middle of a bushy area.

It all went fantastically. The wedding ceremony at the local courthouse was short, sweet, and very simple. The couple looked lovely, and the guests were all a mixture of family and friends from both cultures. Aside from a few hiccups with setting up the cameras and getting things organised at first, the rest of the ceremony proceeded smoothly with no frills. From there, we went outside to take pictures, and this was right in the middle of a busy tourist street with all the mainly Caucasian tourists oohing and aahing at the lovely sight of Black love. Lol.

From there, we went on to the town hall for a wedding lunch. The hall had been previously decorated the night before by a couple of people, including yours truly, with Commander General Chioma coordinating and it looked really beautiful.  Apparently, the guest list had about sixty guests but knowing Nigerians and our propensity to tag along, uninvited to events, they had instructed the caterers to prepare for a hundred. Turns out there was ample food to feed the whole Stratford, and my goodness, everyone had their bellies full and still had lots to take home.

The couple danced to their selected playlist, and I couldn't help laughing at how Ify was blushing and feeling shy with all eyes on her. Tough woman don finally reveal herself. lmao.

All in all, a very lovely way to start a new life together. Here’s wishing Ify and Gbenga all the best of married life, love, and happiness in abundance.

Nyokometer

 Hey guys..

It's one of those things that I always thought would never be needed but guess what?… I got glasses!

So we have a company perk where we get vouchers for free eye checks with Specsavers and I was like, yeah why not?

That's how I booked a session with them and Chioma and I went to get our eyes checked. Not to put too fine a point on it, it turns out that even though my eyesight was still very good, however, due to long hours spent in front of computer screens and monitors, the optician advised I get some reading glasses to help improve my vision.

To be honest, I had already noticed some wear and tear earlier, when I would need to squint to read up small print on my phone or whatever i was reading. Bruh, when I took the test with the new prescription, the difference was so clear!! It turns out I’ve just been stressing my poor eyes ever since without them.

In any case, guess who’s got two new reading glasses? You guessed right 

Hola Palma, Mallorca

 Hola amigos

Believe me, people, Mazi Armstrong was in his bag when he belted that beautiful ballad describing this wonderful world, full of beauty, wonder, and breathtaking places to see. Honestly, the beauty of having the freedom to travel and witness this all cannot be overemphasized. There’s something elemental about it all that speaks to my soul. 

Na money and green passport be enemies of progress.smh

Sooo, despite all the fuckery from the Spanish Embassy earlier this year, they later approved my visa and sent my passport back, so we decided to make use of the Visa before it expired in November. Keep in mind that Chioma already had hers approved before mine came out. People of God, that’s how we literally spun a globe (or in this case, the map of Spain) and decided to take an abbreviated holiday on the lovely island of Palma, Mallorca.

It was a great decision.

We started making preparations early and you know what, despite the way everyone vilifies RyanAir, I’m eternally grateful for their business model which offers safe cheap flights to different places, as compared with other airline providers. We found some very very decent flight prices and booked a return trip for 4 nights. Crossed our fingers and chose a lovely looking hotel we found on Booking.com.

We arrived a bit late in the evening and proceeded to have an amazing vacation in Palma. 

Straight up from the airport, we decided to use their public transport system throughout our stay because it seemed like whoever was in charge of Uber’s pricing model on the Island had obviously decided to sniff some colos before uploading the rates. It took a while to get ourselves familiarized with the public transport system but once again, Google Maps to the rescue. On a side note, that app has got to be one of the best inventions of the modern world. We got one of their long, articulated buses and used maps to find our way to our hotel. It turned out to be a really beautiful place, and after some check-in shenanigans, we headed up to our room with a view.

Palma’s quite obviously a tourist Island and fortunately for us, our hotel was just a ten minute walk away from the beach. We had just strolled out the next morning after the sumptuous buffet breakfast offered by the hotel and found ourselves following a stream of people, dressed in beach attire and laden with beach accessories. Ten minutes later, after passing a lot of pubs, restaurants and quaint shops selling everything under the sun (including a LOT of lovely shirts with very vulgar inscriptions), we walked into a beachfront that opened up to the loveliest beach ever.

It was quite beautiful and had everything you’d want on a beach. The weather was very sunny, lots of sand, brilliantly blue water, half-naked people with all body types nonchalantly strolling by, everywhere (Side note, white people have no concept of shame when it comes to putting their bodies on display, so its best to just unlook and ignore the bits and bobs all left hanging out in your face). 

We stopped at a Thai massage place and I had a “fish spa massage” (something I’d always wanted to do) while Chioma had a body massage in a cushioned electric chair. The Fish massage is where you dip your foot into an aquarium thingy and lots of small fish get to nibble away at your foot, presumably eating away the dead cells and any other thing they like. Sounds painful, but honestly, it was pretty exhilarating and felt like there was a live current running through my body throughout the session.

We then booked a boat trip around the island and I tell you, getting on the water was quite the thrill. The boat ride lasted about two hours and there was lots to see… Caves, coves, and some small communities living near the water's edge. The boat stopped in the middle of the ocean and some of the tourists on the boat stripped off and jumped right in. Chioma and I just dey look. Pity us biko, we haven't finished learning inside swimming pool, na open ocean we wan enter? I can just imagine our mums casting and binding any spirit that wants their children to enter water…lol.

We also booked a hop-on, hop-off bus tour of the island and went sightseeing on different days. Like so many places in Europe, Mallorca has quite a history, and they’ve taken great pains to preserve most of their historical spots and package them into tourism gold.

One beautiful spot was the Cathedral in the city center. Even though we were unable to enter, the outside had spectacular views and was worth walking around on its own. There was a beautiful moat (yes, an actual moat) all around it, and the view of the ocean just on the horizon was absolutely breathtaking.

We also toured a well-preserved Castle, which used to be one of the residences of the King of Spain. Again, you have to applaud the way history is preserved in these countries. The Castle had high castle walls, dungeons (we didnt get to go in there), a big, beautiful courtyard and a museum which housed so many historical paintings, figurines and artifacts. The Castle was on a steep hill, surrounded by a very lush forest and from the top of the walls, you could see miles ahead into the ocean. Apparently, this served as a lookout point in past times when enemy ships were trying to sail into the city.

One sad point to note was the number of black people (mostly North African origin) who littered all the tourist spots, trying to sell all sorts of goods and services. It was a bit weird seeing in real time how they would congregate in one spot and hurriedly pack up their stuff and run to another spot once they saw a police officer in the distance coming towards them. It was very sad and humbling seeing them try to make a living offering to braid hair and selling obviously fake football jerseys, fake designer bags, shoes, and all sorts.

Every good thing comes to an end, though, and we were quite sad to leave. After some very last-minute shopping (side eye to Chioma), we hurriedly set off for the airport and got informed of a delay to our flight back home. Waited at the departure lounge for a bit before they sorted their stuff out, and we safely made it back to our beloved Brum.

All in all, a very well spent vacation on a beautiful island.

Gracias Palma, Mallorca, nos vemos pronto.

Milestones Part 5 - Happy and Fulfilled

 

Heey boo

Yup, it's been 5 years today. 5 amazing years of us being together and i just wanted to take this time to thank you and say a few things.

You have been the most amazing partner a man could wish for. Your beauty, strength, generosity, resilience, compassion, creativity and drive are just some of the things that make you the special woman you are and I thank God everyday for giving me someone who complements me and makes me a much better version of myself everyday.

I love you so much and there’s no way that will ever change.

We have so many adventures ahead of us and I cant think of anyone in this life that i’d rather face them together with. 

God has been very good to us, and i know that will never change. Our family’s growing as well and its such an exciting time for us. I’m 100 percent confident in our ability to be the best parents ever to our baby girl, and there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that you’ll be the most amazing mother ever.

Thank you for all you do. I see you and I love you to bits.

Honestly, you make me so incredibly happy. I seriously thank God all the time for putting you in my life because you just complete me and fill in all the missing pieces.

Look, my promise to you is this—never have any doubts or worries. I'm always going to be there for you and the kids, period. I promise to always work on being the best husband and father I can possibly be, God willing. 

Let’s enjoy today and there’ll definitely be many many more reasons for us to keep celebrating soon.

Again, I'll repeat our toast: To the life we have, to the love we share, to the future that awaits us and to the very best of growing old together…. May God always envelop us with his love and blessings now and forever!!

Cheers to the next 55!!