Insomnia

There's this book by Stephen King called Insomnia which i read a while back.  I can't really remember the plot too well but it detailed all the happenings that always occurred when the main character couldn't sleep.

I've been having insomnia for some days now.

Normally, my body clock doesn't even permit sleep to come knocking till about 12.30 am thereabouts but these days have been crazy. I'm still awake by 3 am and even though i'm tired , i can't sleep.

The worst part is that i've always had an over active imagination and when i'm awake by this time, my goodness!, it's a madhouse in there.

The thoughts come flying in...get half processed...fly out again...do cartwheels.....perform a 360.....and then come back wearing different togas.....

I think of life, fantasize a bit about money, try to sort problems out, swat the f**cking mosquitoes away,give myself plenty mental kicks, dabble in some racy thoughts, browse, envision my future family, create scenarios, make plans to go on safari, think of inconsequential things and mostly just jump on from one random point/thought to another....

Jeez, its exhausting. Yet i can't sleep!.

When it rains.....it pours..

I've always been quite good at English. No false modesty here, i take pride in being well versed in the language. I'm especially familiar with sayings, slangs, quips and quotes so when i came across the sentence used as this post's heading many years ago, it was a bit baffling at first till i thought it through much later on and came upon a longer version.

"For some people, when it rains, it pours".

The urban dictionary describes it as 

"When something good or bad happens it will happen again in a short period of time or it will get worse"

This is what has been happening to me recently. Permit me to explain.

Now, i've been officially single for a very long time. Yes, really. I don't know whether it's because i'm getting older or what but the truth is that recently, i've started finding it very distracting and tiring to start the whole "chasing after babes" or performing all the crazy rituals associated with wooing Naija babes. (Maybe it's because i haven't found miss right yet). 

Right now, my mind is on the money train and my focus is on trying to get to where i want to be in life and fulfill some crucial life goals for myself. Women, sadly take a back seat right now to this.

Don't get me wrong o....there'll always be a babe or two or three lurking around who you can always call up whenever the fancy catches, but never anything serious at all.

But now ladies and gentlemen, despite all my conscious efforts on no serious relationships yet, my year long single status, f**kbuddies and all,  i find myself entangled with three, yes.. you heard right... three women who (to be scrupulously honest) are making unconscious efforts to breach the fortress and establish residence.

First we have Contestant Number 1 who i met at my cousin's party and in an alcohol fuelled session, i turned on the charm and sweet-tongued my way to her number, address and other details

Some Pros: beautiful as hell, working class, intelligent, 

Some Cons: High maintenance, not sure of her single status

Contestant number two is a colleague of my sister's. We met at Ugo's house and the "relationship" has been mostly phone based.

Some Pros: Beautiful, shy, working class, not high maintenance

Some Cons: Too shy, very religious, will obviously want to wait till marriage.

i gave contestant number three a ride to work one fateful day and its become sort of a ritual for us every monday seeing as she lives close to my pad.

Pros: nice looking, not high maintenance, hardworking

Some cons: Not too classy, lives near my house, self employed and struggling

For me, when it rains, it pours!!

LMAO for real..

Ndewo nu peeps...

I came across this really hilarious skit which gave me bellyaches from too much laughter. It'd be a crime not to share with you all...enjoy!!

Happy Birthday Egbon...

Good morning ladies and gents, been a while.

Permit me to celebrate my eldest brother Mr Nnamdi Ibemere who had his birthday earlier this month on the 13th.

Gentleman to the core, bros is the soft spoken one among us all....always willing to step back and assume quiet authority when it counts. Right from way back when we were kids, he's always been the one stepping away from all our gra gra and remembering he's the one that is supposed to be in control.

Trust me guys, you'll never find anyone else more dependable. When it comes down to it, he'll always be there for you no matter what. Can't count the number of times i've taken advantage of younger brother privilege to "borrow" his clothes, books, perfumes, films and yes sometimes cash (Insert shamefaced smiley here) with absolutely no intention of returning any of them....lol

I mean it used to drive me crazy!!!...He'd have all these brand spanking new singlets/clothes/shoes/books all safely stored up somewhere absolutely untouched. I would sneak in and check back weeks later and they'd still be there. Kai, don't blame me for exercising my God given rights as a younger sibling and pilfer to my hearts content.

Very humble and down to earth, (too much so in my opinion), he has a successful career with Guinness Nig Plc and is married to a beautiful woman, Katherine.

She co-opted me last week to throw a surprise birthday party for him and it was a great success. i got myself lost somewhere and called him to come rescue me so the guests could get to his house for the party and true to form, he didn't hesitate to start driving down to Anthony to rescue his apparently stranded brother..

Namo is popular in church as well, maybe because among we Ibemere heathen (of which i'm president of course), he's the most consistent one in church. lol....I've had people meet me on the street and be like:"Hi, you're Nnamdi's brother right?"

Of course he has his own brand of issues...Sometimes he puts himself out there too much and people tend to take advantage of that, he can also be a tad too mushy mushy which is just...well...... aaarggghhhhh.....lol.

To cap it all...he gave me the singular honour to be bestman at his wedding earlier this year.

Anyway, here's to an awesome brother, friend, confidant, adviser and all round nice guy Mr Nnamdi Ibemere. May your days be long, happy and prosperous.

Dear Lord, please bless the hustle

Ahhh...hi peeps.

Its the weekend and i'm just willing to be the lazy bum and act out Bruno Mars Lazy song to the hilt. Then i remember that my Boss is throwing a birthday party for his son who's turning five years on the day.

Now, my weekends are really precious but seeing as i'm currently working for the best bosses ever (seriously) and it really wouldn't be a bad idea to get away from the stranglehold of "power" which i've been watching like an addict, i decide to attend this gig.

The address is at Northern Foreshore estate which i've always heard about but never actually visited, so i organize a few colleagues and we set off.
Now, i've always assumed that most of these estates with pretentious sounding names never really have anything to offer but i was seriously disappointed.

Northern Foreshore Estate, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the S**T!!!

It is really really beautiful and to be sincere, you'd be forgive for thinking that you're in in the Hamptons or something.

Flower lined drives, picket fences, wide lawns, beautifully built houses, parks, sidewalks, children skating by......

Who talk say money no good? imagine a place with street names like Yellow wood street, elmwood road, pinewood drive, Thistle street, redwood road...lol... Thunder fire Adeite Ogunsanya and Shekoni close!!

Not as if the houses were that magnificient or anything, but there was this...how do i put it now?..Ambience..(thats the word) that makes you feel like you're floating.


Boss went all out and the party was a crazy success.....excess wine, food, music, people, artistes (He owns a music record label), Met Skuki, Phyno, Sheliroy and some other musicians.... After a while, it morphed from a kiddie birthday party to a full blown owambe.

It got late and nobody wanted to leave again...my dear..i just gathered strength to clear my head of the alcoholic fuzz and headed back to Susie who must have been feeling like an orphan among the SUVs and other luxury cars..

Ahhhh...God go bless our hustle o!

Its all the rage....

Hello People, Happy new month to y'all.

I vividly recall one video game we used to play when Sega video games were all the rage...It was called "Road Rash" or "road rage" or something like that sha...

My elder brother Uche who seemed to be the one always buying new games back then brought it in one weekend and we loved it!!. You were riding a bike down the expressway and the aim of the whole game was to wreak havoc on other road users.

Punches, kicks, gunshots, chains,batons...... everything and anything was allowed to ensure you scored maximum points. It was brutal. We loved it.

Now, several years later, i've developed this insane fear that the characters in that game have influenced the way i drive.

Hello everyone, my name is Okechukwu. I believe i suffer from road rage.

Anyone who describes driving in Lagos with adjectives like "scenic", "pleasant", "smooth", "lovely", has a mind of a serial killer who can and will commit murder one day.
I really don't know how we do it, but driving in this city should be listed as one of the seven wonders of the modern world.

Commercial buses, touts, pothole filled roads, okadas, keke napeps, stupid pedestrians, LASTMA officials, tiny roads, double parking, street blocking and the legendary "go-slows" are all partners in crime to make you want to kill someone.

If Lagosians acted on their murderous urges, driving around this town would be high up on the list of murder motives.

Ok, i know that what i'm really doing is listing reasons for this road rage thing i have but dear people, how do you explain what has been happening to me during the last month? Several times while driving these past weeks, i have had to literally force myself to park somewhere and take deep breaths to calm myself down.

Its like its me versus all other lagos drivers who(my minions assure me) are trying to get revenge for my spectacular successes while playing road rash/rage in my youth.

This month alone

• I've been bumped twice at the Lekki toll gate, once by one old white dude who looked very scared to get out of his SUV and the other by one silly clown who came down to start begging.
• Poor Susie has been scraped twice, once by a trailer carrying sand and the other by one Keke idiot.
• A danfo driver bumped me at the Ajah roundabout and
• A very very stupid looking pedestrian who was obviously from the Northern part of the country decided to use my car in his bid to commit suicide and walked right out in front of my car at Badore as i was speeding off after the crazy Ajah traffic. I say special prayers everyday for Moshood my mechanic who has laboured to keep Susie in reasonable working order. The brake action that day was epic and did me proud, although i must have burned off a stretch of rubber...

All this coming after having Susie repaired from the accident with the Ibadan clown. (See earlier posts)Why wouldn't anyone develop road rage?

And to cap it all, i strongly believe its genetic. Anyone who has ever been in  a vehicle with the great Nze Cosmas Ibemere will corroborate my claims.

I have been trying to overcome it and am failing miserably. Short of moving to a town like Calabar, i have tried deep breaths, Zen-postures, Smooth FM, Meditation, Sade Adu....Nothing works.

Please help!!.