Its all the rage....

Hello People, Happy new month to y'all.

I vividly recall one video game we used to play when Sega video games were all the rage...It was called "Road Rash" or "road rage" or something like that sha...

My elder brother Uche who seemed to be the one always buying new games back then brought it in one weekend and we loved it!!. You were riding a bike down the expressway and the aim of the whole game was to wreak havoc on other road users.

Punches, kicks, gunshots, chains,batons...... everything and anything was allowed to ensure you scored maximum points. It was brutal. We loved it.

Now, several years later, i've developed this insane fear that the characters in that game have influenced the way i drive.

Hello everyone, my name is Okechukwu. I believe i suffer from road rage.

Anyone who describes driving in Lagos with adjectives like "scenic", "pleasant", "smooth", "lovely", has a mind of a serial killer who can and will commit murder one day.
I really don't know how we do it, but driving in this city should be listed as one of the seven wonders of the modern world.

Commercial buses, touts, pothole filled roads, okadas, keke napeps, stupid pedestrians, LASTMA officials, tiny roads, double parking, street blocking and the legendary "go-slows" are all partners in crime to make you want to kill someone.

If Lagosians acted on their murderous urges, driving around this town would be high up on the list of murder motives.

Ok, i know that what i'm really doing is listing reasons for this road rage thing i have but dear people, how do you explain what has been happening to me during the last month? Several times while driving these past weeks, i have had to literally force myself to park somewhere and take deep breaths to calm myself down.

Its like its me versus all other lagos drivers who(my minions assure me) are trying to get revenge for my spectacular successes while playing road rash/rage in my youth.

This month alone

• I've been bumped twice at the Lekki toll gate, once by one old white dude who looked very scared to get out of his SUV and the other by one silly clown who came down to start begging.
• Poor Susie has been scraped twice, once by a trailer carrying sand and the other by one Keke idiot.
• A danfo driver bumped me at the Ajah roundabout and
• A very very stupid looking pedestrian who was obviously from the Northern part of the country decided to use my car in his bid to commit suicide and walked right out in front of my car at Badore as i was speeding off after the crazy Ajah traffic. I say special prayers everyday for Moshood my mechanic who has laboured to keep Susie in reasonable working order. The brake action that day was epic and did me proud, although i must have burned off a stretch of rubber...

All this coming after having Susie repaired from the accident with the Ibadan clown. (See earlier posts)Why wouldn't anyone develop road rage?

And to cap it all, i strongly believe its genetic. Anyone who has ever been in  a vehicle with the great Nze Cosmas Ibemere will corroborate my claims.

I have been trying to overcome it and am failing miserably. Short of moving to a town like Calabar, i have tried deep breaths, Zen-postures, Smooth FM, Meditation, Sade Adu....Nothing works.

Please help!!.