Hey people, I’m back again!! Writers block be damned.
Goodness, it's been a tough couple of months for
Nigerians…more on that later.
So, as promised, the continuation of the Marriage Trilogy.
After all the giddy excitement of the court stuff got over,
we sat down to review plans for the trad wedding. Kudos once again to Chinks*…she
had almost singlehandedly mapped out all the plans for everything. I’m talking
lists, charts, reminders, spreadsheets…the works! My own na to look over plans,
voice my concerns, contribute my opinion, and eventually get overruled by hers. lol.
September 19th was the set date and it seemed
like the weeks in between just breezed by….Mahn, carrying out a traditional
wedding is not a pot of beans o.. There were lots of stuff to do beforehand but
thank goodness for family and friends who all chipped in and made most of the
work light.
First up…sort out the wedding list.
Okay, for those who don’t know, there’s always a well
tabulated list of items the groom is given to provide before he is deemed
worthy to whisk away any fair maiden from her people in Igboland. To be honest,
the quantities of most of the listed stuff are often outrageously inflated in
order to get as much as possible from the Groom’s people and normally, a very
good haggling session is expected from both parties (Ahhh…here’s where I miss
my dear Nze, who had achieved legendary status in negotiation skills while he
was with us)
Now recall that my darling beautiful wonderful Chinky**
hails from the town of Mbaise, that renowned land revered for their folklore, famous
warriors, fair maidens AND their absolutely insane wedding list requirements!!
Wow, i had been sent their list much earlier this year and let's just say the phrase “reel in shock” applied perfectly.
But here’s where I know how lucky I’ve been to meet my wife
and her family. During one of our previous visits to her parents' house earlier this
year before the occasion, My father in law (to be at that point) calls me aside
and we discuss this list mano-a-mano. Amazingly, he tells me he personally
doesn’t approve of this so-called list which was drawn up from the different
village groups and suggests a way of getting things done which wouldn’t wreck
my already limited pocket!! Wow, it’s certainly not unheard of but this gesture
from him is so wonderful that I can only pray God to keep them alive long
enough for us to spoil silly!! God bless my in-laws…They’re absolutely good
people.
Also, since the fucking Wuhan virus was still raging and on
the prompting of my in-laws, the location for the wedding was fixed here in
Lagos at their house in Ogun state. I’m pretty sure there were lots of raised
eyebrows from certain people since conventionally, trad weddings are usually
held in the village but at this point, we don’t care and we’re doing what we
want. (Bonus to this is that it’ll save us so much more from grabby hands in
the village)
Still lots to get done though so we gather all the saved up
funds and allocate as necessary. We had already discussed and paid for necessary
logistics with my mom in law, Ugo had gone to the market for me and bought some
of the necessary items, Uche and Nnamdi had gotten some more drinks from their
respective offices and were coordinating movement plans for the day, Chima
volunteered their car to also assist with logistics, I got my tailor friend to
design a lovely outfit for me, we designed a nice wedding invitation and sent
to groups of friends, informed most of the people we wanted actually present
that day (we had decided to keep it as small as possible), I had gotten a bus
released from the office to convey people to the venue that day, I arranged
with Uncle Maurice to run point on all things from our side that day and gotten
Uncle Ken to travel down from Enugu for the wedding.(My cousin Emeka, fantastic
guy that he is also traveled all the way from the U.S despite all the risks
and was present that day). Finally, I had commissioned my palm wine plug to
provide 50 liters of palm wine for the occasion. (In hindsight, the guy was a
fucking moron!).
Whew!! Quite a bit right. I know.
September 19th dawns bright and beautiful. Mike,
my good buddy shows up early as possible with the office bus driven by one of
our staff drivers Musti. we get prepared to leave and horror of all horrors…my
palm wine guy fails to show up. Bear in mind that I had promised my father in
law sufficient quantity of palm wine to be made readily available that day and
you get a picture of how my heart started racing.
We set off to look for this clown who doesn’t pick his call.
Good thing is that he lives in my estate so we track him down to where he
claims he had gone to tap the wine that morning. The idiot shows me four
miserable liters that he’s collected and promised to get more from one of his
friends. Considering that I had given this fool ample notice and paid him in
advance, I’m literally ready to tear his head off but I manage to calm myself
down and we go to look for his friend who of course never shows up. At this
point we’re running late so, I take what he manages to gather in a keg and we
set off to pick Ugochi and head off to Nnamdi’s place where we are to converge
before moving to the venue (which was quite the distance tbh). Getting to
Nnamdi’s place took a bit of time as well and by now, we are well and truly
behind schedule factoring in Lagos traffic. Mother of horrors comes up when
Mike (very fortunately) tastes the palm wine we got from that bastard before we
leave and discovers that it is, to put it lightly, totally spoilt and very
rancid.
They have to start calming me down at this point because
WTF!!! If I had laid hands on that guy at that point, I’d have been celebrating
my trad wedding from a jail cell. Thank God for Uche (My cousin Nnenna’s
husband) who knows one or two connects and hooks me up with a guy who promises
to have some ready for us to pick up on our way to the venue. Praise Jah!
After more drama with Uche (my brother)’s car which got
damaged on the way to Nnamdi’s place and more time wasted getting everyone
prepped and ready (Uncle Maurice who we were supposed to meet around Iju had
been calling and calling), we finally set off.
Suffice to say, lagos traffic played it’s usual part that
day and after a long ass journey (during which we stopped to pick up the fresh,
sweet palm wine) through literally one of the worst roads we’ve ever driven on,
we finally arrived at the Nwokoroku compound and the rest of the day picked up
amazingly well and was awesome!
The ceremony went without a hitch, Chioma looked stunningly
beautiful (see pics below), Negotiations for the bride price and other items on
the dreaded list was smoothly handled by Uncle Maurice (God bless my father in
law again. Man’s a rock star!) Uncle Ken actually said he’s never seen any
negotiation ceremony go that smoothly without any issue. The women part of the
list was handled by aunty Ugboaku and didn’t even raise any issue as they all
deliberated and concluded before the men.
The MC was lively, crowd was well fed and jovial, All the
usual traditional ceremonies played out very nicely and after a great time,
Chioma and I found ourselves eventually kneeling before her parents for their
final blessings before we left. After very specific pointed requests for us to
produce twin children on time (lol) and the usual dancing and spraying, my wife
(yes, I can use that word proudly now) packed her things into the bus and we
set off back home with my crew after one of the most amazing days of my life!.
Whew…
End of part 2.
*Chinks – Pet name for my girl.
**Chinky – variant of Chinks
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