The process

 This Adult education of a thing sef.

Honestly, this post was going to start off as a rant but I don’t even have the energy to do so. But I won’t lie, it can get very frustrating doing this school thing at this stage of your life.

I’m not sure why, but these days I lack the will or motivation or ginger or whatchamacallit to even pick up my books and study for the semester. I’m having to literally force myself to concentrate in order to get things done when it comes to school matters. Of course, I have been powering through mainly because of the thought of whats at stake for us over here in the UK but honestly, given a choice, it wouldn’t be this school route ever again.

Funny enough, it’s not a matter of capacity or ability. I’m easily one of the best-performing students in the class, no cap. A lot of my classmates are mostly unserious learners or as usual, focused more on being in the UK to continue life irrespective of the means.

Could it be a function of age? other more pressing life matters? general disinterest? It’s weird asf and not at all funny but everything these days just seems to be more focused on getting on with life, achieving financial stability and family-oriented stuff.

Well, not so strange when viewed from that lens but it’s still a point of worry for me.

Maybe it’s because the finish line is in sight or maybe just because I have a really pressing dissertation to get through for the last part of this term. Seeing the fact that the latter is a project that I am fully committed to, I’m just gonna have to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

Anyway, I’m mostly just penning this article down so that, someday after successfully graduating and settling myself, I’ll look back, read this and probably laugh at the tough times i went through.

Ahhh.. back to work!

 

Passing times

 Yeah..

So, as usual, some recent events had me reflecting on things…

I was asked for my email address while on a work call and it elicited a lot of giggles when I called it out.

redhotokey@gmail.com.

Looking back on that call now and the source of the laughs, I can understand the amusement. What in God's name were we thinking back then in forming all those fancy email names we chose? If I’m being honest, maybe the realization of how immature it sounds is because we’re all grown up and mature now, added to the fact that the novelty of emails and all things internet was the rage back then and there was this hype to try and be as cool as possible…

But “redhot”??? (groans in cringe!!!😖😖)

Anyway, it just made me reflect on the fact that life is very transitory. What's hip and cool today could be very much the source of giggles for future generations.

I mean look at clothes. I recall some of the outfits we wore back in school. Baggy jeans, baggy suits, baggy shirts and co were all the rage… Except you’re Idris Elba, go and try it these days and get your ass laughed off.

It's all the same with so many aspects of life.

Social media has gone ballistic. Facebook and twitter and Instagram are gradually becoming “old school”. There's now Discord, Snapchat, and the ubiquitous chief time consumer TikTok.

Clothing has changed, sagging which was delinquent behavior back then has become all the rage

Language is gradually evolving (as should be, I guess) new slangs are popping up every day..”steeze” “drip”, “trenches” etc..

Sigh. Times have to change I guess.

The email thing wasn’t just me, by the way.. almost everyone did it… *ahem… there are some worse ones from people whose names won’t be mentioned (for my physical safety😂😂). You’ll see things like “chillibebe64@xyz.com” or ruby2everly@xyz.co.uk or creamylucci@xyz.com..... Lmao.. everyone had one and I suspect there would be much worse ones too…

Anyway, thank God for growth. Biko, I have opened a new (acceptably mature) email address which I’ll be using going forward on official comms..

Not that it really makes any difference anyway but I embrace it and accept it with all the cringeworthiness and you know what…. redhotokey actually sounds very cool. Lol.

Silver, Gold and Legacy things..

 There’s this saying that overly righteous, God-fearing Nigerian parents used to drum into the heads of my generation back when we were kids growing up

“A good name is better than silver or gold”

Honestly, I have to say… there’s something about it that suspiciously felt like moralistic bullshit to me. It almost always felt like you HAD to choose between one of the options i.e a “good name” OR “silver and gold”. Somehow, it also always seemed to come from the poverty angle and to me, it sometimes felt like it was coined to try and justify the fact that poverty was nobody’s choice and there was something noble about the insane suffering you encounter when you are poor. (Truthfully, it might just be that they were urging us not to engage in any financially enriching activity that would put the family name into disrepute)

Bruh, there’s absolutely nothing noble about poverty o… especially when the suffering comes about from decades of deliberate mismanagement and plain evil greed of leaders who would rather die than see their fellow countrymen and country progress. There’s also nothing noble about poverty when the people spouting this saying have not done anything positive to try and improve their own lives by working hard and doing their own individual best to better themselves and again, I have to stress that poverty absolutely does not justify any form of criminal behavior in the cause of trying to get out of it. (Fraudsters, yahoo, 419ers, criminals, Nigerian leaders so far… na thunder go fire una generation)

But, why can’t I have both?? A good name AND silver or gold or Bitcoin or forex (lots of it) or …anyway, you get the gist.

Anyway, this post is not about poverty or suffering.

The aforementioned saying popped into my head once or twice over the last couple of weeks and on reflection, I recall Nze (God rest his soul) occasionally saying something similar. In truth, we have all seen and have been beneficiaries of the goodwill generated just by being associated with the Ibemere name and this can be solely attributed to the fact the Nze Cosmas a.k.a Cossy Gee was a very good man during his time here with us. In fact, the best of men.

Anyway, it turned out that my cousin Confidence just finished her service year and needed to get a job asap. Now, I have a very soft spot for all our extended family (at least the ones I know) but the Akalonu kids have a very special place in my heart. Their family has been so generous, kind and loving to everyone and to me especially. I practically lived with them for large parts of my life back in my youth (honestly, one of the best periods of my life) and Its been very satisfactory watching them all grow up to become well-rounded amazing individuals who have the same set of positive values we were all raised with.

So, I placed calls back to my folks at Nairabet and that’s when I realized that having a “good name” really has value as an asset. There was no hesitation about assenting to my request and as a matter of fact, they even bent backward to make sure Confy got the spot all because it came from their dear Mr. Okey.

Wow.

The best part of it is that Confy is a fantastic asset in her own right and would make a brilliant addition to the team. So, a win-win all around.

Now, I’m not going to start the false humility bit because I know I really put in the work back then and helped so many people during my time there but it was still a very pleasant realization to know that I have massive goodwill from so many people, further evidenced by all the positive comments which Confy mentioned have been coming to her because they found out she’s related.

Well done Okey! You did something good back there. (*plucks flower and hands myself)

Anyway, folks, the moral of the story is to help others as often as you can and ensure you make a positive impact on everyone you work or interact with by leaving them much better off for having known you.

Also, I think I’ll put my own spin on that saying….

 “A good name is better when accompanied by silver and gold”.

Yes, thank you.

Beautiful space

 

You know something I really admire the UK for?

The dedication to maintaining and preserving open, green spaces.

It seems such a trivial thing but I think it absolutely qualifies as a factor that improves quality of life. Chioma and I tend to take long strolls around the neighborhood when the fancy catches us… and during these walks we’ve come across no less than four enormous areas dedicated solely to open fields, parks, sports centers and recreational activities.

It’s a pleasant feeling to unexpectedly stumble on a park during a walk, and see people relaxing, kids playing, birds and squirrels scampering about, exercise equipment strategically placed and in some cases, open water bodies nearby.

They’re also beautiful and very well maintained. Beautiful lawns, well-pruned trees and bushes and many strategically placed signs urging you not to litter or feed the birds.

Why can’t we replicate things like this back home?? Chioma jokes about Nigerian landlords having heart attacks when they see so much “unused” land dedicated solely for pleasure and recreation but this is how its supposed to be !! No be everything be “blocks of flat” or “apartment for sale”. Even in rural areas where these types of spaces exist, you always see one signboard starting with “This is a family land belonging to xyz” or “trespassers will be prosecuted”…lol.

No idea on how to beautify these spaces or make them improve quality of life. Smh.

 

We have so much to learn.

Labels, Identities and matters arising

 Hiya guys..

 

So I’ve been doing some CIPD courses and I recently finished one on EDI (Equality, Diversity and Inclusion).

Fascinating stuff.

Its great how attitudes and mindset changes can come at you real quick outside Nigeria. Now, I already had an idea what these concepts were but the course really gave deeper knowledge and professional insight on how to go about it in the People profession way. Again, great stuff.

One particular aspect of the module on Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace focuses on “Intersectionality” (The concept that people can be many things at the same time, in terms of characteristics and lifestyle choices) and it got me thinking of contemporary issues that are becoming real thorny issues these days.

I understand that the LGBTQ movement has gotten mainstream acceptance (forget about the fact that it’s been practically rammed down throats) and if we’re keeping it a buck, I personally don’t have any issue with queer folk. Whatever a fully grown adult identifies as their sexual orientation is well within their right to decide and as long as whatever sexual activity, they get up to is strictly consensual and between adults…. Well, who am I to judge?

However, I really don’t understand the whole transgender movement as well as this debate about Gender.

I like to think that I have a very open mind to new ideas and concepts. I’m also keen on learning new things and understanding the rationale behind why people do and say the stuff they do. However, I cannot wrap my mind around this concept of a human being suddenly becoming certain and deciding that the design process is flawed and that they currently inhabit the wrong body. I mean, this concept of a man or woman ..waking up one day and deciding that they’re supposed to be the opposite gender is thoroughly baffling.

Like…HOW??

What motivates or encourages this? I know that there are and have always been cases of individuals of one gender who exhibit characteristics and traits of the opposite sex, I also know that Intersex people (individuals born with any of several sex characteristics including chromosome patterns, gonads, or genitals that, according to the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies") exist…. However, this issue of individuals rejecting their “assigned” sex at birth to identify as something completely different is a concept I’m yet to be able to fully grasp.

“Assigned” is in quote here because the general definition of Trans people makes it seem as if someone, somewhere looks at you at birth and “assigns” a particular sex to you. This further implies that you can essentially reject this later on in life if you just don’t feel that this assignment was done correctly!. Wow.

Despite all the issues – Trans women competing and dominating in women sports (and in my opinion, making a nuisance of themselves), magazines and sections of society celebrating ludicrous things like trans men getting pregnant (jeez!!), it’s becoming painfully obvious that this issue is not going away anytime soon.

People are actually getting extremely painful surgeries to "transition" including genital reassignment surgery, mastectomies, hormone treatments and the like! haba.

Pushing this insanity further, people are now encouraging kids to identify themselves!!!

In the US, (where else of course), some idiotic legislation is going round in some states about allowing children the right to decide which gender they want to identify as, and mandating parents/teachers to actually AFFIRM this.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!!

So, what this essentially means is that your 4, 5 or 6 year old boy can wake up one fine morning from their pee-soaked bed and decide that he was supposed to be born a girl, stroll casually to your bedroom and announce this to you and you’re actually supposed to encourage and affirm this to him??? Bonkers.

 

Also, what in God's name is this idea of several genders existing at the same time?? We’re now being informed that the idea of “male” and “female” being the only existing genders is obsolete and not in line with modern reality and as a matter of fact you can actually offend certain people when you “misgender” them by not addressing them with their preferred pronouns…hmmm.

At last count, it seems like there are more than 50 ways individuals can now define their gender identities….Odiegwu. 

Think it's a joke?? see this article

I mean..i’m all for understanding diversity, inclusion and equality but this is just too much to take in and believe.

 

Anyway, to stop learning is to start dying. Make we just dey watch.

 

Wake up call

 Hi peeps…

So I went for the health check-up which I mentioned here and suffice to say, if this was a JAMB examination, i'd be spending another year at home without admission.

Not good at all.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a gym rat or the like but I know for a fact that I’m not exactly living a sedentary lifestyle either. However, from the results I was given, it’s pretty evident that I have to improve my exercise game and make some drastic lifestyle changes.

Apparently, my blood pressure is not yet in critical territory. Still, it is in the high range, blood sugar level is higher than normal, and given other factors as well (weight, BMI, and hereditary issues) it turns out that I’m at high risk of getting the same diabetes shit later if changes are not made. Bruh!!!

It was alarming (to put it mildly) and an urgent wake-up call.

Apparently, this diabetes shit can creep up on you without any symptoms and hit you when you least expect. It's funny cos I know my dad had to do the same things when he had it and yet somehow, I’ve been there ignoring this very important and critical health matter.

Changes HAVE to be made.

I’ve had a meeting with Chioma and we’ve kind of worked out a plan to lose weight, exercise more and improve our diet. It won't be a piece of cake but I’m determined to see this through so help me God.

That day of the year.

 Wow…so I’m lying in bed listening to Chioma snoring gently (Don’t believe her when she tells you she doesn’t snore, she does. (gently sha..not like generator and I realize that somehow, I’ve never put up a birthday post on here.

So happy birthday to me!!!!

Its been an amazing life so far and I’m officially in my forties now

Jesus!! Me?? Forties???

Na wa o. Talk of time flying. I don’t feel (and hopefully, don't look) forties at all and I’m sure that’s a good thing right?

Anyway, like I said in a status post earlier, I’m happy, healthy and thankful for the journey so far. So many highs, lows and in betweens but altogether, I think I’m just grateful for my life as it is.

Chioma and I couldn’t be more opposite when it comes to celebrating birthdays. She loves to have the big splashy occasion with tons of fuss, gifts and pageantry…me on the other hand, just send me money and gifts and I’m okay. She’s been asking what I want for my birthday and to be honest, I don’t even know. Its always been this way when it comes to celebrating my birthday. Cant remember a time when I was excited or looking forward to it and it’s not as if theres a reason for the apathy, I guess I’m just not one of those birthday people.

In any case, the theme for this year is “happy, healthy and thankful”.

So many reasons to be thankful. My beautiful wife is a source of continuous blessings, I have an amazing family support system who all love me to bits, I’m in a better environment with better peace of mind and opportunities, I’m going to be rounding up my master’s degree soon and hopefully will be blessed with kids soon.

So, if you see me today, give me a hug and press some forex in my hand, if you think of me today, say a prayer and send all your good wishes.