Warts and all

 Hi guys…

Its serious introspection time over here and honestly, being the continuous work in progress that I am, I’m constantly discovering and trying to correct or come to grips with some icks I’ve uncovered.

So I’ve lately been discovered that I’ve been subconsciously looking down on a lot of the Indian community around the area here in London. Oh God…it sounds even worse writing it down, and it’s so fucking weird because, and I say this with every sense of truth (and irony), This is NOT me. At all. I’m not sure how or why this started but it took Chioma pointing it out and calling me out on it more than once, for me to reflect that I had been doing this by way of making snide remarks and comments, giving pointed looks at some decidedly funny behaviour from some Indians and generally being a bit snooty towards them. I’m not sure why or where this disgraceful behaviour emanated from but I’ve been taking serious steps to course correct. Like I said it’s very weird because most of my classmates in school here are from that lovely country and I have made so many great friends who are genuinely warm folks to be with. Anyway, I’m steady learning and growing so…hopefully this foolishness doesn’t happen again.

This is not a new one, but this procrastination thing is really annoying as fuck. I talked about it here years ago and even though I’ve drastically improved this behaviour, I still find myself wandering back into that crazy procrastination country once or twice when I have tasks to do.. I’m very sure the fuel for this behaviour is the fact that I ALWAYS manage to finish up all tasks before deadlines and not just complete them, but do a kick-ass job of ensuring they are awesomely done. Maybe one day, I’ll miss a deadline and then force myself to kick this habit…sigh.

Finally, what in Gods name is this behavioural tendency to automatically lock up, fall deep in thought and become depressed for days when I get some unfavourable news? I’ve always been able to communicate how I’m feeling at every point, especially to Chioma but this trend has been popping up lately where I’m just not in the mood to talk and it’s been affecting our relationship whenever these bouts come along…. Chioma, being the type who cherishes constant comms (The easiest way to get on her wrong side is to ignore her…lol..) is always at the receiving end of this and honestly, I need to do better.

 

Like I said earlier, it’s all work in progress though and I’m glad I’m able to reflect, identify and take steps to constantly improve. It’s not always easy confronting your demons but so help me God, its what we must all at one point or the other, take time to do.

So there you have it…warts and all…it’ll all get better. I promise.