Theatre of Dreams

 Oh yeah, I forgot to mention

I finally fulfilled a long-held dream some months ago..

Now, as every long-devoted, recently suffering Manchester United fan knows, the holy grail is to see Old Trafford at least once before you die.

Sometime, earlier this year, Chioma and I had some free time off and decided to spend it in Manchester. It was also her sister Ify’s birthday, so that gave us another reason to go over to those parts yonder.

We  booked our default Premier Inn rooms waay ahead of time and travelled to Manchester for the brief 3 day holiday. Of course I had to make the pilgrimage to Old Trafford.

Yaay.

 What can I say folks. I now understand why it’s almost like a religion to some. There’s this aura and feeling of seeing your home ground where you’ve been part of only on TV and seeing iconic monuments, photos and atmosphere. Bruh. Its second to nothing.

Now, I’m not a ‘fanatical’ fan like some people I know (and even though we were unable to get tickets to get into the stadium...terrible I know😖😣😥) but honestly, the whole experience was thrilling. There were fans from all over the world, police everywhere, all the paraphernalia of match day and the incomparable feeling of being at that sacred ground.

 Only of course for my stupid team to lose to Arsenal and rain to make a mockery of the stadium grounds on the day.

Anyway.. I’ve been to the theatre of dreams and nothing ever changes that.

Sweet dreams and Tech things

 Hi folks

Yaay, the posts have become more regular ba?...Not even sure how this happens. There’ll be a block for months where I forget I even have a blog and then other months where I’m putting posts up like water…anyway…

You know something? I’m constantly marveled at the improvements that science and technology have brought upon us as humans. It might look like little things, but the proportional improvement to the quality of life is astronomical.

Some weeks ago, while setting up house, Chioma and I went to a huge shopping complex to buy some things for the house, and in the middle of wandering around the huge mall, we kinda stumbled into a huge store named ‘dreams’ where they were selling mattresses, beds and everything sleep related. Bear in mind that even though we weren’t looking to buy anything there yet, we both knew that we needed to get a new bed for our extra bedroom.

Bruh, it was an eye opener.

The extraordinary difference in sheer quality of mattresses they had there was amazing. We were attended to by one very savvy sales guy who took time to really show us around and get us to test the products.

Omo, It’s like we’ve been sleeping wrong our whole lives.

First, they made us lie down on this big bed/sleep machine thingy (almost like an CT scan or ultra sound) that scanned our body types, weight, sleep positions and contours in order to recommend the type of mattress that would be best suited for us. Then we were (for lack of a better word) introduced to the mattresses.

My God! I fell instantly in love with one called the Tempur pedic. God punish poverty and all the years of sleeping on useless mattresses. The obvious difference was mind boggling. Not to exaggerate or anything but that was the best mattress I had ever lay on (and I’ve slept on some quality hotel beds too), however, the cost of this one was equally mind boggling, so we had to go the next best thing and get something similar but less expensive. We paired it with some orthopedic pillows, a new bed frame and some other stuff. Fortunately, they had installment payment options which made everything much easier (and helped to calm my Igbo minion who had been wringing his hands in despair and exclaiming ewooo!! at the total cost).

Weeks later, I’m coming here to testify that my sleep has drastically improved, there’s no more waking up with pain, I feel refreshed waking up and I believe it has even helped minimize snoring and other breathing issues. Wow.

It’s the little things ba?

Again, (and I don’t care how simple this comes across as), what in the sorcery is this Air fryer of a thing? If you really deep it, the tech is absolutely amazing. Imagine growing up all your life using oil to get your foods fried and now, you’re introduced to this machine which apparently heats air around your food and uses (or ‘conjures’ to me) oil from somewhere within the foods to perfectly fry them and have them coming out delicious. Brethren, shout halleluya!!

Chioma got this lovely double door air fryer and it’s been such a revelation. To be honest though, we haven’t ditched using oil entirely, however what wouldn’t I give to see the look on Lolo’s face when she uses this for the first time!!

It’s the little things ba?

Home and Dry.

Hi people, so it’s very early on a chill holiday and I’m just taking time off to rest and recoup my energy in preparation for the work week ahead. As usual, the minions are doing overtime in my head and I’m here with tons of thoughts running helter-skelter and cartwheeling through my mind.

However, one very clear overpowering theme that threads through is being grateful for my wife Chioma.

See, ehn. There are good women, good people, some great women who are also good people, and then there is my wife, who naturally combines all three.

I’ve been an unfortunate witness to some really unhappy marriages where the trend is to just try and stick it out with your partner for however long it can go on. Things change and you don’t even recognize the person you married anymore. Other factors come into play and you have two individuals who are just cohabiting for the sake of it. Very sad.

My case is different though. I say it again and again that when I count my blessings, my wife is counted thrice. Chioma is such a good person that makes it really easy to be with. I was just thinking about it and I’m like, na wa o, is this the same married life that people complain all the time about?

I’m looking at our nice apartment and her touch is everywhere. She’s successfully turned this place into a home and wallahi, it’s something I’m very grateful for.

The way she combines and coordinates most aspects of our life together leaves me in awe. She’s very good at her job, takes time to make sure our house matters are coordinated, is the default recipient of all her family calls and issues, still goes out of her way to include my side of the family in plans, has been a steady contributing partner to our financial plans and still loves my big head despite my own weyrey.

Even as I have to give myself props too for contributing my bit to making this a happy marriage, (as a spec that I am nah) God was really in his bag that day when Chioma was made and I’m so happy and proud to be with her in this life.

Of course, it hasn’t been all roses and sunshine. Madam has her own skoi skoi too and there are things we’re still struggling with, and still learning about each other all the time, however they’re very minor and it’s just one more piece to the whole picture of what makes her an amazing woman. Make no mistake about it, there are lots of things we still hope to achieve as a family and regular prayer points but with her by my side and God with us, I’m very hopeful and confident for our future.

Guys, forget everything out there, your life can change with the right person in it. I’m living proof of it. My Chinky Chinks is that special kind of woman and I’m absolutely crazy in love with her.

Be safe out in those wild streets, folks.. Me? I’m home and dry!

 

 

 

Pounding the Naira..Part 2

 Omo!!...

Hey guys, I just checked this morning and noticed that one pound is exchanging for 2100 NGN!!

Do you even have any idea how insane this is?

Minimum wage (absolute minimum wage) here in the UK is roughly 11 pounds per hour. , according to this very recent Forbes article, I get paid more for working a ten hour shift  than more than 90% of people earn monthly back home in Lagos state.

To put it in context, sometime last year, in this post, I surmised that my weekly wages were equivalent to the monthly take home for folks back home. Now, it's a daily comparison. And it's not as if I'm earning so much more than before

It’s mind-boggling!.

Of course, I’m aware of all the related issues with this sort of currency comparison, the bills, earning power and other associated costs with living and working abroad, yet this is absolutely ridiculous.

The report states that only about 7% of Lagos workers earn 200,000 and above every month!

Bruh, its bad o.

Anyway, even as I’m lamenting this terrible situation, let me kukuma log into Lemfi and convert ..before the thing changes…lol.

New phone, who dis??

 Ahh it’s finally happened.

No, stop fretting, it’s not anything bad bad…. (Depends on which angle you look at it though) but my beloved Samsung Note 9 phone is starting to give up on me 💔.

You know something, but this phone has tried for me. Four years and counting is definitely not beans! And I’ve come to love the quiet steady functionality of the Note 9.

Nobody will accuse me of ever being a gadget freak, (unlike one of my older brothers who I will not mention 😏) but when it comes to mobile phones, once it functions well and can perform all it’s supposed to do, while still wowing me with some new features I didn’t even know about, then, I’m happy and satisfied with it.

A couple of weeks ago, my beautiful phone started showing end-of-life signals by having this weird screen flickering and multi-colour display. Now, even though I know it might not be the end of the road, however, once your phone screen starts acting up and behaving funny like this, it’s time to change it. (Okey, please rebuke these thoughts of Computer Village from your head biko!!)

Chioma has been very indifferent to my pain as she’s been urging me to get a new one for a while now..😁.. Also seeing as this Note 9 was a very benevolent gift from my awesome cousin Emeka many years ago, I have sadly come to the conclusion that it may be time to get a new one. I'm just dreading the stress that'll come with all the app migrations and backup restorations. I'm also sure there'll be some form of data loss somewhere seeing as this phone has tons of stored stuff everywhere.

Google Pixel phone? Another Samsung step up? Do I switch lanes entirely and go the iPhone route? Would another Android brand work better? Which is the most cost-efficient, yet functional and sleekly styled phone around sef?

Decisions decisions..

 

 

The Naija shit show

 Good morning beautiful people and everyone else apart from the Nigerian Government and politicians.

You know, it's been a while since I mentioned anything about that country of ours, not because there has been nothing to rant about….most definitely not…..It’s solely for the fact that I’m trying my best to stay sane and not allow all the rubbish we inadvertently hear or read about to drive me crazy.

I mean how would it sound that someone who’s not even in the country ran mad because of news from back home?

But honestly….its all gone to shit.

Not as if any right-thinking person expected anything good from having Tinubu as a president, however, nobody could have imagined the scale of the utter incompetency and maladministration these clowns have foisted on us.

My goodness!! It’s all gone down the drain

The economy has been so battered, extreme poverty is now rampant, people can’t feed their families, Insecurity has gotten much worse, daily kidnappings, horrible situation with power, and fuel costs have gone through the roof. Meanwhile, amidst this complete shitshow, you hear news of the bastards in power still trying their active best to steal and loot as much as they can. This moron of a president and his people are so bad that not even up to two years in charge and even their fellow idiots who supported them initially are openly coming out to regret their decision.

There is always something bad in the news. You hear of them arbitrarily changing the National Anthem, building Multi-billion houses supposedly as the VP’s residence, nominating convicted criminals to Government appointments, siphoning fuel contracts, and using shell companies to refine and import petrol within the blasted government, the National assembly (Nassholes!) being totally incompetent while having extraordinarily exorbitant running costs and trying to pass stupid laws like the one proposing to convict people for criticizing government officials!!..smh

All this going on while people are literally starving to death.

A couple of weeks ago there was a general outpouring of anger and protests across the country about how horrible it is to be a Nigerian and it was just a minor reflection of the state of mind across the general populace. However, it was always at the back of everyone’s mind that these set of devils we have as leaders are utterly immoral and have no scruples about using their zombie police fools to shoot protesters (as they have clearly done many times before), so most people didn’t bother coming out on the streets. In Lagos, they now went ahead to instigate tribal sentiments (which always works in a stupid country like ours) and pit some ignorant idiots against people from other tribes (yes, especially against the Igbos) to make it seem like this was just politically motivated!!… I mean…

I weep for us. Truly.

Exposure has given me firsthand realization that all countries have their own serious issues. However, the difference is that they have leaders who work hard and willingly every day to try and tackle these issues and are genuinely dedicated to solving as much as they can. You see all the efforts they put into trying to make life easier for their people and you gnash your teeth in hopeless despair at the evil nature of Nigerian politicians and the magnitude of their incompetence.

It’s so disheartening to call your people back home and hear the struggle in their voices. The fact of the matter is that even though we help as much as we can, It’s never enough! There’s always one thing or the other and honestly, it’s heartbreaking. The sad realization that’s dawning on everyone is that the best way to survive is to actually up and leave the country.

But how many people can even afford to? There’s no money for immediate needs for your family talk more of planning to relocate. And don’t even get me started on the value of the Naira. The Sterling steadily pounds the Naira (I see what you did there, Okey), the Dollar is like a helium balloon in value relation and basically the inflation rate keeps soaring.

See ehn. I’m just tired.

I’ll never stop praying for Nigeria to get better but methinks I’ll just wave from far, far away and wish that country the best because to put it in no uncertain terms:

 For a nation to make progress, its political elite must believe the nation can make progress; Nigeria's political elite do not believe Nigeria can make progress.

This picture captures my feelings perfectly.

Selah.

 

Moving on up

 Hey there folks

Following up on my promise to keep y’all updated on our accommodation issues which I mentioned here.. I’m proud to say we’ve been able to secure a much better apartment, at less cost and more room than our doozy at the beautiful Harborne.

It’s been another whirlwind couple of months and we’ve had to juggle several ongoing issues… passing probation at work, settling down fully in Birmingham, paying off debt, trying to save for eventualities, Burial plans, and all other ongoing vagaries of life…. with the search for a new apartment.

Earlier in the year while trying to settle down, I had gone apartment hunting. Bruh, it’s not as bad as Naija and very well organized but still can be very tasking and draining. After some hits and plenty misses, we eventually settled for a nice 2 bed apartment in Harborne which is a very lovely area. However, it didn’t take long for disenchantment to set in after realizing that there were some major issues which we had overlooked in the desperation to get settled back then. Anyway I think I’ve mentioned all these before and will just move on jare….

The disappointment spurred our decision to move as soon as possible and trust Chioma, my wife can be a force of nature sometimes. Lol…once that decision had been made, the Apartment Ultimate search commenced. We scoured all the renting sites and saw many possible options, some we really liked and most we missed out on. She took it in stride; honestly, as frustrating as it was for both of us, I have to give her the major credit for her persistence.

It turns out that due to her constant inquiries and emails to the operators of the Evenbrook estate where our friends (Chidi and Sandra) live, they reached out to her once an apartment there became available. It came just in the nick of time as well, because we had eventually settled for a very reasonable two-bedroom option in Edgbaston named Augustus Court. We’d even put down a holding deposit and wanted to start making plans to move when the offer from the Evenbrook guys came along.

It was a complete no-brainer.

The Evenbrook option is a lovely two-story, three-bedroom flat in a massive (really massive) gated estate with several blocks of flats and very well-maintained facilities. To satisfy my Igbo blood and seal the deal, this much better apartment came at a lower rental price than Augustus Court!!

Duuh…again, an absolute no-brainer.

We forfeited our holding fee (Grrr!! 😠) and sent a very nice thanks-but-no-thank-you mail to the other guys running the Augustus Court show.

Ladies and gents, after an absolutely hectic move-in process, I’m proud to say we successfully moved into our new apartment where I’m currently typing the draft for this post.

It’s a beautiful flat and even though I was not too enamored with some aspects of it initially, after a lot of shopping (Amazon, Shein, and Dunelm need to give us shirts, shares or something..) We’ve managed to transform it into a very lovely apartment indeed! Still very much a work in progress but suffice to say, we did good. Turns out that there’s plenty you can achieve with grit, determination, and a bit of luck from the fates. We’re now residents of Pytchley House in Brown’s Green Estate Birmingham.

So many positives to (literally) take home

It's a beautiful area, we have wonderful friends very close by, we don’t need to deal with negligent landlords (The Estate is a well-run, efficient machine), it’s not too far away from my office, there’s more room now, the number of stairs (inside and outside) we have to climb will provide much-needed exercise, and the rent and other cheaper facilities will help us save more money in the long run.

So, there you have it. When you have time, come over for a visit..

Farewell sir. 💔

 Mahn..I hate writing tributes.

There’s always something about the finality of death that makes me very introspective and start pondering the whole point of our existence and what we’re really here for.

Sigh.

So, on the 29^th of June, my dear Father-in-Law, Mr. Remi Nwokoroku passed on. 💔💔

Bruh, this one pain me gaan.

Here was a man who I had come to love and respect so much that I had virtually taken him as a father figure ever since Nze passed on. He was such a well-respected and regarded Gentleman. Soft spoken and full of wisdom.

All my interactions with him were always cherished ones as he went out of his way to welcome me into his family and virtually adopt me as another son.

He had this way of making you feel at ease with his easy-going manner of speaking and several times, he took me in confidence with his life stories and anecdotes that made me feel very special indeed.

I recall one of the early times we went to visit and we had such a great conversation when he went to show me his fish pond. It was almost like old friends chatting and shooting the breeze. I felt so comfortable with him. How can I forget his insistence on not following the impossibly outlandish traditional requirements when we were doing our trad wedding preparations? He literally pulled me aside and said, “ignore all these village people and their lists, just bring what you have and I know how to sort them out”. He was that kind of person! He was very devoted to the work of God and such a wonderful catholic man. He was fondly called Elder in his parish and lord knows all the roles in different societies he took on to make sure the catholic church in the area grew and flourished.

Sigh. Death, you do this one o.

He was a proud Cancer survivor who had battled and fought off throat cancer about twelve years ago. He had been feeling very poorly recently with his Liver and kidney functions, and we had gone all out to make sure he got all the treatments he needed. After several rounds of dialysis, hospital stays and major surgery, his body couldn’t take it anymore and he passed on to glory that fateful Saturday morning.

It was absolutely heart breaking.

Honestly, you’d be hard pressed to meet a stronger woman than my mother-in-law. She was by his side all through this period, taking charge of his personal care, coordinating his hospital visits, sleeping on any surface she could find in some hospitals, liaising with family members and ensuring that things back home still ran smoothly. All the while not being in the best of health herself. May God bless and keep that woman for us.

A very personal pain for me as always was that we were not able to be there physically during this period and were not able to at least see him before he passed. Just one more terrible aspect of this japa journey. Life as always, goes on though and even though this is such a bitter pill to swallow, we have to ensure we send him off in the best way we can and make sure the good memories of him we have live on with us always.

May the soul of our beloved father, Mr. Remigius Lumenze Nwokoroku rest in perfect peace. Amen.