Changes...that's just the way it is

 That’s just the way it is…. things will never be the same…

That’s just the way it is…. Oh yeah…

Changes (Tupac, 1992)

 

Some lyrics come to mind and are very apt in describing certain situations you’re reminiscing on.

We recently received a call from my dear cousin Vivian that her family was in the UK for the holidays and they were thinking of coming to see us. Chioma and I were really pleased as it’s been such a long time we saw her or her husband, Osagie, They have twin children now too and it would be wonderful to see them. We sharply sent our address over and were looking forward to it. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to make it anymore as the logistics of UK life, travelling with Kids in tow and other vagaries of life meant they were not able to make the trip any longer.

Anyway, it just got me wondering how vast the gulf has become between all of us in our generation as an extended family. Albeit through no real fault of ours, we’ve all grown to seek our separate ways and life has made it such that it’s almost an all-man-for-yourself type situation now.

With our generation, as kids and youths, we all grew up pretty close to each other and there are several cherished memories of visiting each other, staying at each other’s houses for holidays, living with one another, and generally taking time to actively be involved in each other’s lives. Our parents really took time out to ensure that we all took regular parts in each other’s lives in a way that nourished the family bonds.

Unfortunately, It’s not the same anymore

Asides generic messages on social media in response to birthday posts and other special occasions, I’m not sure a lot of us cousins have REALLY kept in touch with each other. There’s this situation where everyone seems to have gone their individual way and it’s become more of everyone minding their own business and lives. Understandably enough, japa and adulthood has played a major part in all this.. yet I can't help this wistful feeling when I think about how it used to be back in the day.

The funny part is that.. there is absolutely no rancor, family issues or problems between us AT ALL. (well, maybe apart from one or two weird situations truthfully) and if we happen to find ourselves together at any point in time, we’ll all be happy and GENUINELY glad to see each other.

Shoutout to Aunty Ngo and her family for all they do to bring the family here in the UK together from time to time so that we rekindle the family bond and ensure that there’s still a semblance of unity among us all as an extended family.

It’s just so weird the way life, japa and adulthood has taken away a special part of what we had as a family and left us with this …situation…which we all find ourselves in.

I guess, that’s just the way it is..

The days of Lament

 I read a statement somewhere the other day about how the most painful part of this shit show situation in Naija is how it has turned everyone into constant complainers and lamenters.

See ehn, unfortunately, Nigerians as a people, have become used to “chesting” the most insane things and allowing terrible politicians to get away with so much rubbish that gradually, stupidity becomes the new norm. However, with the way things are going now… it’s really going to take a miracle to steer that country away from the path of being a failed state.

Again, I know I’m always going on about the situation back home but wait first…just think about it…. If I, sitting down on my lounger in my beautiful apartment in Birmingham can be feeling this way about it, how would the folks back home be bearing this??

Honestly, I always come out a little bit more heartbroken when I get off the phone with my people back home. It’s such a horrible situation to acknowledge the fact that we spend roughly 80 percent of the time talking about the problems of the country and all the ways in which the harsh economy is dealing with my folks. I speak to Ugo and it takes a lot to keep up a strong face when you hear of how difficult things are, I speak with Namo and outside the usual small talk, we are now always running through all the ways he’s managing to survive and keep body and soul together with his family, Uche’s case is that I cant even get to speak with him as much as I would like because bros is hustling himself to the bone.. working all hours to try and make all ends meet. (Not as if he was ever the best at keeping in touch but this economy has just made it even worse.)

Lolo is constantly telling about the horrible situation back in the village, mentioning how people are scrounging for the barest things to eat, raiding farms, and begging for money to survive. Its so bad that she’s even seen a situation where a family was offering to sell off their kid!! Omo!.

At times like this, for someone like me, it’s extremely difficult not to feel conflicted about the difference in our quality of life. Trust Chioma and I, we help out in so many ways and as best as we can, and even though I know it makes such a huge difference, I can’t help feeling bad that I can’t do even more to help get everyone out of this dire situation. At times like this, it takes strong mental effort to keep reminding myself that there’s only so much we can do and it’s in no way our fault.

I was speaking with a Thai colleague at the office during break one day and she was talking about the bad situation back home in Thailand but when I mentioned how Nigeria was and the fact that many parts of the country haven’t seen electric power for months now, her jaw dropped in shock. Imagine other countries that are going through it yet, something as basic as electricity is still a fact of life there. SMH

It's so sad, and the thing that constantly gets my goat is how avoidable this whole thing could have been. A little less wickedness and selfishness from the leaders, a whole lot less greed from politicians, a bit more dedication from elected officials and a whole lot less stupidity and docility from us, the citizens….and you could be looking at one of the greatest countries in the world, no cap.

May God help us.