So here's what happened to me a few weeks back. Not in a dream or movie o.
True life ish that just gets me..well...speechless.
So i get prepared to go to church on one fine sunday morning. St. Dominics is the preferred destination because, truth be told, the mass there is more enjoyable and much quicker than my normal parish. I'm not in the mood for one of those long, drawn out St. Gerald masses where one visiting priest from the hinterland may just decide to take that heavy burden upon himself and convert all these lukewarm city folk in one mass. It'll just have me staring at my watch and itching to leave after communion.
So plans are made with my sister to worship at St Dominics and we (Myself, Ugo, Esther and Somto) head out in my car, Susie. Kind of late, i have to admit but better late than never is the motto for me.
Its an uneventful journey to church. The mass goes great and barring some normal parking wahala, the rain deciding we were not well bathed and Somto's decision to make the church aware that he, Alexander the Great, was in the building, everything was going pretty well.
We set off back home with plans to spend the day in my bachelor pad, only for it to turn completely upside down.
We're driving down Ikorodu road enjoying a gentle sunday drive, when all of a sudden, this big, stupid bus beside me to the right starts swerving, tries to correct, fails miserably and rams Susie broadside. WHAM!!
You always hear of adrenaline and what it does for you right? Its no lie.
My first thought funny enough was "ahhh...so this accident has finally happened"...Then i thought of Somto in the car behind me, adrenaline kicked in and i stepped hard on the accelerator. There was this screech of metal and Susie, bless her metallic heart, responded by shooting past the fucking bus instead of spinning.
Truly speaking, it was a miracle we weren't upended or driven off the road into the mid partition.
I manage to stop Susie some yards ahead and i realize that Esther and Ugochi had actually screamed throughout. The red rage kicks in and i jump out to first check on Somto and Esther in the backseat and then possibly strangle the bus driver.
Miraculously, they're both fine. Scared and crying, but both physically okay. Ugo and i make sure they're okay and then i confront this evil, murderer wannabe. To our great surprise, this fool is driving a busload of schoolchildren back to their boarding school with an Oyo State Government bus and he comes down to start pleading and begging to be forgiven.The idiot claimed all responsibility and confesses that his brakes failed in the middle of the road, there are some parents following their kids back to school who come around the bus and start pleading for him, thanking God that nobody got injured.
Its good that i'm not one to physically assault anyone, the urge to really really strangle this mofo was overwhelming. I try to calm down and assess the situation.
He's scraped the whole side of Susie, damaged her fender, front bumper, right panel, alloy rim, deflated two front tires and really really messed up her alignment in front.
Next thing you know, fool brings out fifteen thousand naira and begs me to take it as it's all he has on him!!. The sweet urge to strangle this idiot comes full on again and i have to force myself to be cool.
I ignore his stupid offer as if i didn't hear it and after consulting on the phone with Moshood(my mechanic), i demand his car papers or license with intent on impounding his vehicle since it is obvious that it'll take nothing less than sixty to seventy thousand naira to fix the mess. Turns out that the clown didn't have any vehicle papers because he was driving a government vehicle and doesn't even carry a drivers license. Shit!.
I'm thinking of what to do next because by this time, we're being surrounded by area boys and thugs which as any Lagosian will tell you, is not a good situation to be in. The traffic is really backed up on the expressway and honestly, i really do not want the police or any other so called Law enforcement to come with their own wahala. So, the parents with the bus call their PTA chairman to speak with me on the phone.
Chairman tells me he's a well known Islamic cleric and he was in charge of hiring the bus. He sounds very well spoken and cultured. Dude apologizes very nicely,profusely and wants to know what i want. I tell him, of course i want all damages paid for after an assessment by a mechanic and he assures me that they will take care of all cost of repairs to Susie. He thanks God that nobody was hurt, apologizes again and again for their driver's misdeeds and promises on his honor as a Muslim to sort the matter out. He just wants the bus with their schoolkids to leave because they're travelling to Ibadan.
I'm one to always give benefit of doubt but my Nigerian blood kicked in and i demanded that they sign an undertaking to that effect. So he speaks with the parents present, and they ask me to draft something for them to sign and witness. I do this quickly because tempers are getting pretty heated on our part, (Ugo was already looking to take on some of the area boys). They all sign it, including the useless driver and the Chaiman gives me all his phone numbers and promises to call us later on for further discussions.
I leave them to go on their way and after stopping to change one of the damaged tires and calling Nnamdi to come assist, we limp away home, totally exhausted and deflated with a badly banged up Susie.
To Be continued........
