Village musing

Waking up, the first thing that hits you is the cold!!

That bone chilling, breath stealing, mind numbing cold that makes you wish you thought better about wearing normal teeshirts to bed and makes you resolve to include a duvet subsequently.

Nevertheless, you get out of bed and ignore it because, of course, your cramped two bedroom apartment in Lagos could never!!

Stepping out of the room into the harmattan mist drops the temperature considerably and for a minute, you are stunned into paralysis and can only huddle up and blow warm, mist-laden breaths into freezing palms.

You’d endure all this and freeze over and over again though because taking that trip back home to the village is worth it all.

Its always been that way for me.

Standing alone in the cold at the back yard of my parents house, the absolute sense of peace hits hard and re-intensifies the joy of getting away from the manic energy of Lagos.

I’m staring at vegetation all around the yard. It’s very well arranged.

Rows of pineapple plants with good looking, mature fruits sitting atop, Banana trees, one slightly bowed with a massive bunch of unfortunately unripe fruit, a couple of dwarf palm trees, a guava trees, a soursop tree with lots of very well camouflaged thorny fruit and a couple of Pawpaw trees at the edge of the fence making up the rear guard. As soon as I sight some ripened ones, I gleefully give in to the urge to pluck some pawpaws from one strangely slender, yet well laden tree.

Plucking pawpaws is a bit tricky, especially if they’re very high up and really ripened. The lengthy pole I’m using is sharp and easily pierces through the flesh without really dislodging it. Changing tactics brings better luck, as I wrap nylon bags around the sharp end of the stick and maneuver it to the actual stem where the succulent fruit is joined to the tree. A sharp prod brings it crashing down and as I’m stepping away with my prize, a pair of real life squirrels darting nimbly through the barbed wire atop the fence start making noises as if berating me for intruding into their space!!

Lol…fuck off you rodents. I was here first.

The air is different here. Not sure how I can describe it. It just seems…..for lack of a better word, purer. Inhaling is like taking menthol laden breaths and maybe it’s just the cold but clarity comes easier here and words/thoughts seem to come together better while breathing in the early morning air.

The village is coming awake. You can tell from the sounds. Metallic clangs from the tapper’s bicycle as he rides by, hungry bleats from the pampered goats in the next compound, scratching noises from firewood being dragged from piles to start fires, sputtering noises from motorcycle engines being started, a very weird call from a bird I’m yet to identify (tu-tu tu-tu...tuu tuuuu…) and yes, plenty of proud, lusty crows from unfaithful cocks all over the place.

Meanwhile I hear some insanely weak cock-crows coming from somewhere in the yard, almost like a low growl. Intrigued, I trace it to a small building at one end of the compound. It turns out to be a coop and I immediately identify the culprits. Two very big broiler cockerels. Despite their size, turns out these giant birds who can barely support their own weight are less than five months old. No wonder they couldn’t vocalize properly.

Poor things. I sense they’re being bred for the Christmas celebrations and relish the prospect of running a knife across their necks sometime later in the season. Walking away with my bruised pawpaw I file the thought away 

Of assumptions, pedestals and kisses….

One moment.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes. To be absolutely certain about someone or something. See ehn, there are lots of times I waver in making decisions or taking actions but on that fateful day, this wasn’t the case.

The glass door to my office opened and you snuck your head through, looking for someone who wasn’t there. I looked up and that was it.

I’m still amazed at how ridiculously easy it was to fall for you.

Then that memorable first date. After all the teasing, we decided to hang out that fateful evening. In hindsight, I am so grateful that you were able to make it because as you so rightly put it, that night changed the course of my life so far.

In the midst of delicious suya and overpriced cocktails, my pre conceived notions and assumptions  were broken down and as we talked…you in that wonderfully chatty way of yours…me, listening and laughing…I knew we had both discovered something special.

Chinks, it’s been an absolutely amazing month with you. The hangouts, the cinema dates…the special kisses…oh, those special kisses…(ps – I love the way you look dazed when we’ve been kissing)

You’ve been an inspiration for me to do better, be better and work harder. You make me strive to be a better human being and honestly, that is ALL we can ask for from anyone in this life. I love how you’ve trusted me with your love. I’m humbled because I know it’s not something you do lightly and I promise to never let you down.

Yes, I’ve had my worries about the future(not sure that’ll ever stop) but whenever I’m with you, it all fades into nothing.

Thank you for being you, my Chinky baby… It can only get better as we age…

Happy anniversary my love.

Cheers!!

Ps – did I tell you how amazingly beautiful you are??

Let's catch up

Hello Fam, it'll be an understatement to say "quite a while" but then...it HAS been a while.

 I made a wish sometime ago for the state of the economy to grant me the time to put more posts up.

Well, that wish was not granted. In fact it was virtually torpedoed. Nigeria officially entered a recession sometime ago and trust me when i say things are pretty rough.

Okaay...lets get to it.

This is a post to kinda update on everything that has been happening so far in my life.

Work has been okay so far.I thank the Lord that i still have a viable job and even though things haven't improved from what it was salary wise, it is still something to hold body and soul together. We moved to our new office complex which is a fantastic structure. Boss really went all out and spared no expense to make it look awesome.

It is a beautiful office and makes work fun.(If only the salary will match). See some pics

Moving on....

Yes fam. it has finally happened. The proverbial arrow has struck.

Let me introduce you all to "She who makes the world go round"....Miss Temitope Aguda who has done the impossible and made this young man fall in love.

We met sometime ago after i replied to one of her comments on this particular post on TNC and let me just say it has been a whirlwind of a trip. She's a fantastic gal and honestly, this might just be it.

Well....its been great and ...okay. I think i should stop gushing now....

(Notice my side eye hatred for picture taking?)

Moving on.....

Brutus, forgive my language, has been nothing but a bitch since i got it. Free advice for anyone looking to buy a car. GET A FUCKING NEW CAR!!!!!

It's been one issue after another and honestly, i'm tired of the whole thing. While i'm there thinking of how to save money and get shit done, constant car problems crop up all the time making life miserable for me. I've almost had it up to here and fam, don't be surprised when you see a new post detailng the sale of Brutus.

Moving on.....

Oh yes...i finally made the move over to the Island and i'm officially an "Island boy" now...lol. It's far different from the mainland. The constant wahala is the flooding. Dear God, the flooding!!

The drainage over here is absolutely fucked up and apparently when rain falls,the whole place becomes a soggy mess with lakes springing up in the middle of the roads, potholes magically appearing and the corresponding traffic becoming a nightmare. Thank God the house where i stay is really raised high, so we, unlike many unfortunate others do not get our compound flooded.

Ugo's house is fine as well but the road leading up to her place can give you nightmares when it rains.

Full disclosure: I've actually seen street kids fishing...yes fishing in some areas where you wouldnt dream of finding fish.

Moving on....

Did i mention how fucked up the economy has become? oh yes i did. Okay

Moving on.....

Mike my friend got married last week and i had to travel to Ado Ekiti to act as his best man. It was a good trip and apart from the witches at the court registry who made plans to ruin the day, it all went very well. I'm officially the last bachelor standing in our group of friends and well...lets just see how that goes.

I think we've caught up enough. I will try to be more regular with posts here (Scouts honour).

Let's hope that by the next time i post here, we would still be alive and well in a country that is better.

Amen!

Naked conversations

Hey fam, i recently published an article for "The Naked Convos".

Disclaimer: 90 percent of all you read is real. 10 percent was...well ..just made up for reading pleasure. Enjoy.

It’s a thursday evening and i’m rounding the day up by trying to catch up with the latest posts on TNC. This particular true life story titled “My Culture cost me the love of my life” catches my eye and inspires me to share the current quagmire in stuck in.
This is also a true life situation, so real names aren’t going to be used here (whatever purpose that serves). I’d also like to apologize in advance to all readers who aren’t from the Eastern areas or who have no idea about the subject matter at hand.
I thought i knew what pain felt like but holding Janet in my arms as she curled up keening (i understand that word perfectly now) in pain almost broke me and introduced me to pain by association.
Our first encounter strangely enough, was via a phone call. I had finally summoned up the courage to get my teeth a long overdue dental appointment. Her number was the contact for the dental clinic and that’s how we hit it off.
Now in my early thirties, i’ve had more than my fair share of relationships but the four months Janet and i dated were the most exhilarating i had ever spent with anyone. From the movies to the malls and the parks, we explored everywhere like two giddy teenagers and it was awesome. I learnt all available routes  from Ajah to Iju (Lagosians here will know what i’m talking about) where she was staying , making  the journey (that’s only the proper term for it) without a care and we spent days  getting to know each other. She took time to learn Mortal Kombat with me (She is a pro with Noob Saibot!!)and on weekends, she’d come over to cook, walking around the apartment in those killer bum-shorts of hers.  She wasn’t the perfect girl though, she had her flaws and all but the skoi skoi only made her real to me.
Summary: I was neck deep in the proverbial love which people always talked about and loving it.
Fast forward a month later and i’m ready to call time on my bachelorhood. This was real and i was ready. The only problem was that anytime the topic of visiting the village came up, she’d be strangely quiet and distant. I had asked her several times if there was any issue i had to know about and the answer was always negative.
Family plays a very big role for both of us and we’re very very close to our respective ones.
My folks stay in the village and are very big on tradition. As is the custom with Easterners, i inform them and they’re both ecstatic. They urge me to bring her for a visit soon and commence their enquiries into where she’s from and so on. We’re both from the same state so it makes it much easier for them. Thursday afternoon, I get a call from my dad who urges me to call him back asap. I call him and receive news which makes my world go dark.
From investigations, Janet’s family is “Osu”. The so called “untouchables” while i’m not.
Ladies and gentlemen, despite Christianity and modernity, this unfortunate situation still persists in Igbo culture. The Osu caste system is an often ignored, ancient tradition which affects so many young people in the country till date.
In theory, the “Osu” caste are made up of a small section of society whose ancestral lineage can be traced back to the slaves pledged and often used as sacrifice to the old native gods of the Igbo nation. These slaves and their descendants were presumably cursed and are traditionally regarded as second citizens. Title taking and marital unions with “free born” citizens are totally forbidden.
Personally, i’m marginally aware of it’s existence and couldn’t care less about an archaic tradition but I’m devastated when the ramifications of going against this tradition are fully explained to me.  Ostracization and discrimination from the community, and the biggest blow of all, total family disapproval of any union. In the case of any defiance, a very strong likelihood of your immediate family disowning any “freeborn” who marries an Osu.
Bottom line, as i am gravely informed by my dad, “my dear son, you cannot marry that girl...... it is a taboo and is not possible in our tradition”
Seeing as my three siblings and i were closely raised alongside our extended family, my family means the world to me and that bond has remained unbroken throughout the years. I would literally kill for any of them as i’m sure they would for me.... and hearing my dad speak with that conviction and finality in his voice assures me that this is not something to be taken lightly.
Janet comes over during the weekend and noticing my depressed mood, proceeds to try and cheer me up as only she can with a weird new way of dancing shoki...... Normally i’d be in stitches, but instead i sit her down in order to break the news to her. My intention is so we can discuss what this means to our relationship and see if we can find a way through the mess.
As soon as i mention my family’s findings, to my dismay, she retreats away from me and her body starts to shake in a funny manner.
 “not again....chai, not again” Janet starts muttering and breaks down completely into tears.
For the first time in our relationship, i find out that she’s been keeping something this big away from me. I’m further broken when she later confesses that the families of two previous suitors had rejected her for the same thing.  One had even gone to the extent of taking some priests to plead with his family.
She.had.been.aware.of.this.and.did.not.tell.me!!
If  i’m ever asked to write an essay on the worst day of your life, that Saturday evening has no comparison. She cried  all through the night, asking God  “why me??” and there was virtually nothing i could do to console her.
Not only am i now desperately torn by this situation but Janet has become very withdrawn and has refused to see me since February this year. I learnt from a mutual friend that she had a serious health breakdown and particularly insisted on not seeing me. I’m in literal pain right now and depression is a constant companion.
I’m not really asking for advice but your comments would be appreciated.

Catching up

Hey fam..

Long time indeed. sorry for the absence....life just caught up with me and...hmmmm lets just leave it like that o.

So much has happened. Where do i start sef?.

Okay. So i met that special lady i had been waiting for all this while only for issues to come up and  torpedo the whole thing to smithereens. Yeah it was that bad that i had to write an article on it.Here's the link...http://thenakedconvos.com/osu-tradition-broke-relationship/......might post it on here later.

Yeah, shit happens.

After the silly accident that happened with Suzie the other time (read Here), i had had enough of it all and ladies and gents, i had to end my two year relationship with her and put Suzie up for sale. Funny enough, the speed at which the transaction closed out was shocking and in the process of completing it, i got wind of another available vehicle for sale. With the proceeds from Suzie's sale and a lot of borrow borrow, i got another car.. A Nissan Xterra SUV which i've humbly christened as Brutus.
Brutus comes with his own baggage but with my trusty old mechanic, Moshood in the mix, we're gradually sorting them out one at a time.

Cool right?...NO...not cool. my account is literally in the red right now and we haven't even sorted out all the issues that came along with it. Anyway, don't mind me, it was a great deal and Brutus definitely looks good with me. lol.

Nigeria's economy is getting more messed up by the day. Fuel, ladies and gents is now being sold at 145 bucks per liter. and Suzie being Suzie and Brutus being Brutus, my fuel bill has astronomically increased. Even without the jacked up prices, i was still bound to buy more fuel and now, filling my gas tank costs about N3,000 more. Suffice to say folks, Brutus has never experienced the joys of a full stomach yet.

Abeg,no look me jor...Dollar haf cost.

Okaaay...what else? My darling baby niece Amelia had her child dedication two sundays ago. It went great! The folks came to town for it and are still around. It's been nice having them in town and even though i've been designated driver, it's not been bad at all.

Oh yeah, my house-rent has expired and i don't think i'll renew it again. Landlord called me and we had a chat about it. It's been mad fun in that house with lots and lots of good, great, awesome and not so awesome memories but i think it's time to move on. will update you all on the situation soon.

Well,that's enough for now,...i just hope that the tight economy will give me time to frequent here more.

Toodles.

It's gonna be a great day!!!

Morning fam,

It's never a good thing to wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

Monday morning 21st march, i wake up with a start and find myself drenched in sweat. There is no light (as usual) and the weather is mad stuffy. i feel around for my phone and check the time. 2.42 am.

Na wa o. i hate it when i wake up by this time. I can never get back to sleep for one and that's when the minions start reminding me of every serious thing in my life at that point in time. I toss and turn for what seems like six hours and when i look at the time again, it's just 3.25 am!!!!

I might just kill myself at this rate.

Fortunately, much much later on, the weather picks up and all of a sudden, i hear thunder and serious wind starts blowing...... Glory!!! the rain starts falling as if we have never seen it before. It's a relief and i manage to doze off after shutting all the windows.

I get up later and start getting ready for work. The rain is still falling hard and seeing as i initially didn't want to drive to work since Suzie's fuel was very low, i'm seriously torn between leaving in the rain or going with her. The decision is made for me when i notice my other colleagues standing outside(They live in the same building) waiting for the rain to stop. We load up in the car and head off to work.

The rain is falling hard and everywhere is very wet. We make it to Ikota and out of the blues, the LCC officials up ahead of us suddenly stop vehicles to presumably let some schoolkids cross the road. Now, this act, even though done with very noble intentions, was done in a very stupid manner seeing as the roads were wet and we are on the expressway.

That, ladies and gentlemen is how my whole day turns to utter shit!!

There were four cars ahead of me. The first two hit themselves and screeched to a stop, a green RAV 4 SUV just ahead of me managed to slam the brakes on time to avoid colliding with the ones up ahead. I desperately slam the brakes repeatedly, but the road's very wet and my car is too close to the RAV 4.

I can only watch helplessly as Suzie skids on the wet surface and rams the green SUV with an almighty crunch!!!! ouch.

The ladies in the car scream and i am dazed for a minute. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and i get out of the car to check out the damage.

Shiiiit!!!... Its awful. My bonnet is crumpled up, headlights are smashed, one pointers is no where to be found, front grill is damaged and my bumper is torn in two or three different places.

and that is just on the outside.

We can see the radiator leaking and i can't tell what else is affected as we can't open the crumpled bonnet to look inside properly.

I go to the other vehicle and a young lady comes out looking very irritated. we inspect the damage to her own car and fortunately it's nowhere near as bad as mine.

The LCC guys come over and help direct traffic to other lanes and we manage to get the cars to the safe side of the road.

My office guys in the car know a panel beater close by and we have to call him to come over quickly. To her credit, the lady is very calm and doesn't want to cause a scene. She calls her husband and i speak with him over the phone.  He directs his own mechanic to come over and assess things as well.

It's crazy.  We're waiting for the mechanics and i'm just standing there miserably in the rain thinking about not just the financial implications this will toll on me to get Suzie fixed but also the money for repairs to this other vehicle. (of course, since vehicle insurance is just for very rich dummies, yours truly, the very sharp guy has never bothered with it).

Anyway, the guy comes and we tow the vehicles to his workshop. He is one of those upbeat types, full of good cheer and vigour.
 He tells me "Ahhh Oga, make we thank God say nothing do una o. Afterall na only money we go spend to repair moto".

 I know he's right but i still feel like clobbering him on the skull with my wheel spanner.

"Goners"for life

Chai, you've got to feel for Arsenal fans right now.

It's not enough that just as far as January, a team that was being tipped to win the League has been floundering worse than our Naira....losing to Watford and other moi moi teams in the EPL, cursing their long suffering coach and settling comfortably for their usual 4th position.

Then you have to give them Barcelona in the Champions league again!!. Chai, when it rains for the Gunners, it pours o.

Watched the two legs of their 2nd round clash and honestly, the word "outclassed" is an understatement as to how Barca made them look.

You have to hand it to their fans though. Everywhere you go it's always.."Gunners for life" being yelled at the tops of their voices, even as Messi continues pooping on their defence everytime they meet.

Well, goodluck to them.



p.s: This post is kinda what the bible referred to as trying to remove the speck from your neighbour's eyes while ignoring the log in yours. Let me not just go into Manchester United woes.