Of endings and beginnings

 Hey guys how far.

Yaay… so it’s the last day of the year. 2025 is officially one for the records.

Wow!! What a year its been. 

For me, personally, I honestly can't complain. It's been a year of progress, answered prayers, new experiences and continuous growth.

Yes, it’s also been a shitty year in many respects but when put on a scale, the triumphs far outweigh the low points.

I just want to take time to acknowledge the people and things I’m grateful for, and even though they are always to be appreciated at every single moment we have, there’s never a better time to do so than at the close of one year and the birth of a new one.

So firstly, as always, all thanks always go to the Almighty. For his favours, mercies and blessings. Honestly, we’d be nowhere without our faith in God and his works. He’s always looked out for us, provided, protected and promoted. For all these, we give him all the praise and glory! E mena Papa!!

To the absolute love of my life, my baby girl Chioma. All I can say is thank you for being who you are, for loving this craseman with all my flaws, for being the pillar of our home and my backbone all through the years. I honestly can’t put my feelings into the right words, but all I can say is that you’re my life and my world. I love you. You’ve been truly exceptional all these years, and I can only wish us all the best of the many years ahead.

To our family who’ve always been there for us. Lolo. Nnamdi, Uche and Ugo, Thank you for being our support system and giving us a reason to push on. God bless you all at every point of your needs and may he bring ease into all our lives in the coming year. We pray for reconciliation, prosperity and provision for us all and our families in 2026 and may there never be any cause for sadness or sorrows. Thanks also go to my in-laws who are the most amazing people ever. Mama, Ify, Gbenga and Ik. God bless and protect you all.

Thank God for good workplaces for both of us. Perk has been such a blessing in many ways, and I continue to declare it to be a prosperous environment where I can thrive and grow even more than my current status. Thank God also for Chioma’s workplace, Remote. Our story can most certainly never be told without this fantastic company. They’ve been there in so many ways for us, and honestly, it’s a blessing just being associated with them.

I’m so grateful for the United Kingdom. This adopted land of ours has given us so much and improved our quality of life dramatically. It’s a no-brainer to state that, even with all the stress and attendant issues with living here, the UK has been a blessing to us all, and i go ahead to declare that we shall prosper in this land and it shall flourish because we are here!! Shandaaa!!

Grateful for good family and friends, especially here in Birmingham. This Evenbrook community of ours has become a lifeline and such a wonderful support system. I know it would have been so much more difficult without having them in our lives, so to the Agomos and the Osarenkhoes, I say a big thank you.

Finally, thank you, Lord, for answered prayers (Watch this space!!). We are grateful for all your gifts and our ability to provide. We look forward to an awesome 2026 ahead. 

See y’all in 2026!!

Happy New Year!!

It's the lingo, innit?

 Hey fam, 

So recently. I was chanced to listen back to a call recording where I was talking to a British client of ours. Joanne is the quintessential Brit lady…. All posh, polite, ‘’darling’’ this and ‘’that would be absolutely lovely’’ that.

As I listened to the slightly unrecognizable accent coming from my end, the code switching in accents was so noticeable as to actually be slightly jarring. Initially, I wasn't sure why I felt a bit of a fraud as I heard myself adopting the Brummie accent, spiced with British fluency, and actually being quite successful with it. Joanne even commented on how glad she was about the conversations we had.

As I reflected on the experience later, it occurred to me that there was actually no reason to feel this way, because, to put it bluntly, code-switching is very useful. It’s a part of surviving and adapting to the realities of being in a foreign land. This ability to flow in correct pidgin when gisting with Nigerian office colleagues and then switch effortlessly when sitting in meetings or hanging out with my white friends is something to be admired. I realize that to some ears, it might sound a bit fake and duplicitous, but in the end, I believe that this ability to suppress your natural inclination to speak a certain way and adopt another is a remarkable adaptation strategy that is rooted in existentialism and survival.

I first experienced this when we went out once with my cousin Vanessa some time ago in London. She’s been in the UK a bit longer than we have and effortlessly switched to a very passable British accent when talking with the staff there. It struck me again that it’s a very useful survival adaptation, especially when dealing with clients on a daily.

It's such a weird thing, though. I can never seem to replicate this while speaking with black people or when I’m at home with family. Also, to be perfectly honest,  i dont think it’ll ever get to the point where I’ll only be able to speak with a British accent and not be able to successfully code switch back to Naija lingo on request.

Anyhow sha… let’s just agree that i’m not going to be an ‘’innit bruv’’ anytime soon

Its the most wonderful time of the year

 Merry Christmas people

Its been such a slow period for my writing. Haba!! Not sure why but, I’ve been in a terrible funk when it comes to trying to update here.

Anyway, there’s so much going on and i promise to update a bit more regularly as the days go by.

There’s also very exciting news coming but as i said, all in due time.

We’ve had a low-key Christmas celebration this year. We went for the vigil mass yesterday evening already and since we didnt make any travel plans, unlike last year where Chioma was in Naija and i was here, we spent xmas day wrapped up in the house savoring the quiet day, making calls back home to the fam and everyone else that rated being called, and later on heading over to our Evenbrookers EOY gbedu.

We had it in the Osarenkhoe’s (Joy and Jerry) house and as usual it was fun galore! There was tons to eat, drink and lots of games and gifts to enjoy. Thank God for this community here.. It would have been a very boring day.

All in all, a very good day.

Merry Christmas my beautiful people.

This debit life of ours..

 

Most times it’s always in the dead of night when all peaceful, law abiding citizens are deep in repose.

It matters not if you’re ready for them or not

The sneak in every month end, stealthy little fuckers who don’t make the customary noises you’re used to from your device.

Like the saying goes, the only certain things in life are Death and Taxes.

I say the only sure things in Life are death, taxes and Direct Debit alerts!

Omo, my tired is tired.

It’s 4.30 am on the first day of a new month and like most other days, my insomniac routine kicks in. After re-booting and calibrating myself, I pick up my phone to see how much sleep i managed to put away

Unlike most other days however, the notification bar is absolutely popping off!!

Before I can fully process or remember what day it is, I slide it down and sigh. 

An increased number of ‘’happy new month’’ WhatsApp messages mixed with all the usual message notifications from the groups I’ve stubbornly clung to (Despite Chioma’s threats), a medley of other app notifications, Google reminders and du dun dun….. The amazingly long drop down list of Direct Debit alerts from my HSBC account.

Insert deep hiss and weary sigh.😩😩😩

I mean, can’t somebody catch a break? Don’t I have one unknown ancestral relation who has decided to will me an Island in the Caribbean? 

Yes, I already know what you’re going to ask and the answer is NO. 

There’s no option of me choosing NOT to set up debit alerts because all the items which are being paid off are mission critical to survival over here in the UK. Unfortunately (lol), the responsible thing to do is to set up payments for them all and move on with life. Being a responsible someborry as i was taught to be, this is the most logical option.

Doesn’t stop it from being very annoying sha.

Council tax, car loan repayment, Insurance payment, car tax, electricity bill, Water bill, Rent, phone bill, WIFI payment,...Aaaarrrghhhh!!.. There’s one really really annoying one that comes quarterly. TV License bill. Can you just imagine? Actually paying the government to watch your own tv o!!. Like i said, If not for doing the responsible thing, (and Chioma’s knife-on-my-throat insistence)..wetin concern me and TV licence payment?

Bruh, if you see me anytime, biko press some forex into my hand. Life adiro easy at all.

New whip.. who dis?

 

So after all the dilly dallying, rationalizing and procrastinating, we finally convinced ourselves of the need to join the rank of car users in the UK. Recall that i had earlier undergone the driving theory test, which i passed with flying colours (before nko), however, the practical test is a whole other story.

After trying relentlessly to book a date, I finally managed to get one in..wait for it…. March 2026!!!

Bruh…

Truly, even my tired was tired.

No worries though. After weighing all the probabilities, we decided to go ahead and buy a car and at least get started on using it and getting familiar with the road networks and driving system over here.

Seeing as I’ve always named all my rides in the past… Sophie, Brutus etc…Ladies and Gentlemen, i present to you…AXEL

Axe is a beautiful Peugeot 2018 model, which full disclosure, is a used vehicle, but still very sound and can very easily pass off for new.

We got it at a bargain deal from one of the numerous used car websites and after all the usual senrenren associated with getting anything officially done here (I had to go to the gov.uk site to register, tax and research insurance providers)

Of course, we had to use bank financing to pay off the cost but I still believe it was very well worth it.

Funny enough, I’ve already started driving places and to be honest, it’s just like riding a bicycle. You never ever forget how to.

So here’s to many many smooth, enjoyable drives, no accidents, no breakdowns, no need to join or call AAA and many happy years of seamless conveyance with Axel.

Which way forward?

See ba,

Every single day, I pray that God removes the spirit of tribalism from Nigeria and Nigerians.

This thing has become a cancer to that nation. You go online, and every day it's so sad to see what our young people are being exposed to in the name of tribalism. Slowly but surely, it is definitely moving offline as well.

Among the countless things our parents’ generation really dropped the ball on, one of the most painful is the fact that they ingrained this devilish culture in so many members of my generation. Unfortunately, I can’t even say it's getting better because, despite all the education and wokeness, it’s still being passed down and getting more deeply rooted than ever.

Since I can remember, and at four-year intervals, this tribalism rubbish escalates and becomes worse as politics and politicians weaponise it in a bid to get elected. And it becomes a vicious cycle as bigotry becomes normalised from the top. Of course, when public figures, people elected or appointed to represent millions, could publicly speak ethnic hate and suffer no consequences, it only follows that their sheep naturally follow. Meanwhile, over the years, it flares up in real time and shows its ugly side in normal interactions. 

Social media has made this thing soo much worse.

There’s this recent advert of a young woman promoting a supermarket and making a very derogatory reference to a particular tribe as cheats in the street markets, which sparked this post.

The worst part is that it’s not one-sided by any means. All parties and tribes regularly take turns to use ethnic slurs and derogatory words to each other without thinking of the consequences online and offline.

Truth is, even at my own level, it took education, exposure, and lots of intentional unlearning to drop most of these preconceived notions. But how many others can say the same?

At some point, I  just shake my head in despair and pray for that country,

Barawo Banza!!

 Hey guys

Why are people like this ehn??

So, ever since I can remember, Chioma and I do our grocery shopping on a monthly basis, and it's been the same over here in the UK, where It's even easier and more convenient. We load up a trolley and God bless ASDA, they have these self-checkout scanners and a ‘’Scan and Go’’ trolley section where you can check out everything you’ve bought without the hassle of the crazy queues.

We love it.

However, the entire system is based entirely on trust, and you must ensure that you’ve pre-scanned every single item meticulously. From time to time, the system randomly selects you for a physical check by the staff. This used to be so irritating because, at some point, we assumed (insert eye roll here) it was just singling us out every time for no apparent reason. To be fair, this doesn't happen every time, but when it does, it’s very inconvenient because they have to start unpacking the goods we’ve carefully arranged in the stacked trolley. But dear ladies and gentlemen, after recent events and watching a certain documentary on the BBC, I fully understand and sympathize with these stores and fully support why they do this.

This nation is full of fucking shoplifters!!!😡😡

It makes my blood boil with rage. For a country where the trust level is so high and the national character is to generally be a good person, seeing some people behave this way is really jarring. 

The worst part is that because the government hasn't really put in place strict laws about shoplifting, these criminals get away with it all the time and even when they get caught, they get a slap on the wrist and that's it. For most stores, despite having store guards and security personnel, the policy is mostly “do not engage them physically, but do what you can to prevent it from happening”. 

How does that even make sense?

So the security have to watch people either physically or on the CCTV, and most times, resort to asking these thieves to return items when they try to walk out!!. The fact that you can't physically accost them (apparently, to avoid them suing for injuries or anything else) mean that the bastards actually walk out brazenly from stores with pilfered items and actually get away with it most times if they feel they can intimidate staff. Most stores can’t even afford to have security and the poor staff are forced to do this as part of their routine.

Bruh! It's a crazy situation.

This particular documentary in question shows so many instances of shoplifting happening in real time, and believe it or not, actually interviews a couple of these thieves who are confident enough to be interviewed about their stealing habits (they anonymise them, though) and have no scruples about telling the world about the fact that they steal.

I know Naija is a crazy place full of corruption and all sorts of fuckery, however, stealing/petty thievery is one of those things that comes with very high risk, and if you decide to get into it, you also have to be prepared to accept dire consequences. In other words, fuck around and find out. Of course, there are shoplifters back home and such, but I mean, we’ve seen people lynched to death for such behaviour.

And yes, I fully recognize the irony of this. We are happy to turn a blind eye to politicians getting away with looting and robbing the country, but will happily lynch people for shoplifting.

Over here. It’s gotten to the point where the estimated amount lost to shoplifting is roughly 3 billion pounds annually. Mad o!! 

Tbh, Chioma and I have, on possibly two or three occasions, seen active shoplifters grabbing stuff from the shelves and running out of stores. In most cases, these thieves are teenagers and young people as well. Badly behaved children who will want to steal just for the fun of it and start shouting and cursing shop staff when they are caught. In my opinion, they should be thoroughly slapped to reset their brains.

I’m not sure why it gets to me like this, and maybe because of the way we were raised (May Nze’s soul rest in peace) by wonderful parents or the fact that we’re just naturally good people, I really can't understand why people do shit like this. Its downright wicked and annoying.

Aaarghhh!!!!

Anyway…rant over.

High on Confidence

 Hey Guys, so my beautiful cousin Confidence invited us to her graduation ceremony and I was happy to attend. Chioma and I have both been very involved with her coming over and settling down in the UK, so we were really proud as punch to see that she really smashed it out of the park and graduated with top honours from the University of Suffolk.

Nah fam, she really tried. This babe would spend unending time at the school library (reminiscent of my own time at the East London Uni library, recall here) reading up, working on her projects and juggling school work and trying to survive in an unfamiliar town with a limited support system.

Anyway, she capped it all off with a distinction and was also given a special recognition award for being the most impactful student within her cohort!! Awesome stuff. I guess the brains all run in the family.

Chioma couldn't make it, so I travelled down to Ipswich and repped the family. Got there a bit late due to some delays on the train but got there well in time to celebrate with her and her boyfriend, Emerie, who had travelled down from Germany for the occasion.

It was good to be back in Ipswich. Small, beautiful town with friendly people and a good vibe. We took lots of pictures and went out to lunch at a great bistro nearby, which I had been to on my previous visit. We video called the fam back home and I could see the pride and joy in Aunty Theresa and Uncle Emma’s faces as we spoke to them. Amazing stuff.

It was a wonderful occasion and I headed back home very happy and proud of her.

This is now

This was back on her first day

Love, in the land of the Bard

 Hi folks.

Further to their earlier engagement, which I mentioned here, our lovebirds went all out to complete their union. We got invited to their wedding, which they had arranged to happen in Stratford-upon-Avon.

As most Literature students will know, this small, famous town is the birthplace of the greatest poet and playwright, and of course, with the Brits being who they are, they never let anyone forget about it. The entire town and its surrounding areas were all themed after Shakespeare. There were pubs, streets, monuments, statues, and areas named after him. They even had a hop-on, hop-off bus tour of the area, and it's no wonder there were loads of tourists in the area.

Anyway, it was scheduled for a Thursday, and we (Myself, Chioma, and her Mum, who had traveled over for it) traveled down to Stratford and checked into a very quaint hotel located in the middle of a bushy area.

It all went fantastically. The wedding ceremony at the local courthouse was short, sweet, and very simple. The couple looked lovely, and the guests were all a mixture of family and friends from both cultures. Aside from a few hiccups with setting up the cameras and getting things organised at first, the rest of the ceremony proceeded smoothly with no frills. From there, we went outside to take pictures, and this was right in the middle of a busy tourist street with all the mainly Caucasian tourists oohing and aahing at the lovely sight of Black love. Lol.

From there, we went on to the town hall for a wedding lunch. The hall had been previously decorated the night before by a couple of people, including yours truly, with Commander General Chioma coordinating and it looked really beautiful.  Apparently, the guest list had about sixty guests but knowing Nigerians and our propensity to tag along, uninvited to events, they had instructed the caterers to prepare for a hundred. Turns out there was ample food to feed the whole Stratford, and my goodness, everyone had their bellies full and still had lots to take home.

The couple danced to their selected playlist, and I couldn't help laughing at how Ify was blushing and feeling shy with all eyes on her. Tough woman don finally reveal herself. lmao.

All in all, a very lovely way to start a new life together. Here’s wishing Ify and Gbenga all the best of married life, love, and happiness in abundance.

Nyokometer

 Hey guys..

It's one of those things that I always thought would never be needed but guess what?… I got glasses!

So we have a company perk where we get vouchers for free eye checks with Specsavers and I was like, yeah why not?

That's how I booked a session with them and Chioma and I went to get our eyes checked. Not to put too fine a point on it, it turns out that even though my eyesight was still very good, however, due to long hours spent in front of computer screens and monitors, the optician advised I get some reading glasses to help improve my vision.

To be honest, I had already noticed some wear and tear earlier, when I would need to squint to read up small print on my phone or whatever i was reading. Bruh, when I took the test with the new prescription, the difference was so clear!! It turns out I’ve just been stressing my poor eyes ever since without them.

In any case, guess who’s got two new reading glasses? You guessed right 

Hola Palma, Mallorca

 Hola amigos

Believe me, people, Mazi Armstrong was in his bag when he belted that beautiful ballad describing this wonderful world, full of beauty, wonder, and breathtaking places to see. Honestly, the beauty of having the freedom to travel and witness this all cannot be overemphasized. There’s something elemental about it all that speaks to my soul. 

Na money and green passport be enemies of progress.smh

Sooo, despite all the fuckery from the Spanish Embassy earlier this year, they later approved my visa and sent my passport back, so we decided to make use of the Visa before it expired in November. Keep in mind that Chioma already had hers approved before mine came out. People of God, that’s how we literally spun a globe (or in this case, the map of Spain) and decided to take an abbreviated holiday on the lovely island of Palma, Mallorca.

It was a great decision.

We started making preparations early and you know what, despite the way everyone vilifies RyanAir, I’m eternally grateful for their business model which offers safe cheap flights to different places, as compared with other airline providers. We found some very very decent flight prices and booked a return trip for 4 nights. Crossed our fingers and chose a lovely looking hotel we found on Booking.com.

We arrived a bit late in the evening and proceeded to have an amazing vacation in Palma. 

Straight up from the airport, we decided to use their public transport system throughout our stay because it seemed like whoever was in charge of Uber’s pricing model on the Island had obviously decided to sniff some colos before uploading the rates. It took a while to get ourselves familiarized with the public transport system but once again, Google Maps to the rescue. On a side note, that app has got to be one of the best inventions of the modern world. We got one of their long, articulated buses and used maps to find our way to our hotel. It turned out to be a really beautiful place, and after some check-in shenanigans, we headed up to our room with a view.

Palma’s quite obviously a tourist Island and fortunately for us, our hotel was just a ten minute walk away from the beach. We had just strolled out the next morning after the sumptuous buffet breakfast offered by the hotel and found ourselves following a stream of people, dressed in beach attire and laden with beach accessories. Ten minutes later, after passing a lot of pubs, restaurants and quaint shops selling everything under the sun (including a LOT of lovely shirts with very vulgar inscriptions), we walked into a beachfront that opened up to the loveliest beach ever.

It was quite beautiful and had everything you’d want on a beach. The weather was very sunny, lots of sand, brilliantly blue water, half-naked people with all body types nonchalantly strolling by, everywhere (Side note, white people have no concept of shame when it comes to putting their bodies on display, so its best to just unlook and ignore the bits and bobs all left hanging out in your face). 

We stopped at a Thai massage place and I had a “fish spa massage” (something I’d always wanted to do) while Chioma had a body massage in a cushioned electric chair. The Fish massage is where you dip your foot into an aquarium thingy and lots of small fish get to nibble away at your foot, presumably eating away the dead cells and any other thing they like. Sounds painful, but honestly, it was pretty exhilarating and felt like there was a live current running through my body throughout the session.

We then booked a boat trip around the island and I tell you, getting on the water was quite the thrill. The boat ride lasted about two hours and there was lots to see… Caves, coves, and some small communities living near the water's edge. The boat stopped in the middle of the ocean and some of the tourists on the boat stripped off and jumped right in. Chioma and I just dey look. Pity us biko, we haven't finished learning inside swimming pool, na open ocean we wan enter? I can just imagine our mums casting and binding any spirit that wants their children to enter water…lol.

We also booked a hop-on, hop-off bus tour of the island and went sightseeing on different days. Like so many places in Europe, Mallorca has quite a history, and they’ve taken great pains to preserve most of their historical spots and package them into tourism gold.

One beautiful spot was the Cathedral in the city center. Even though we were unable to enter, the outside had spectacular views and was worth walking around on its own. There was a beautiful moat (yes, an actual moat) all around it, and the view of the ocean just on the horizon was absolutely breathtaking.

We also toured a well-preserved Castle, which used to be one of the residences of the King of Spain. Again, you have to applaud the way history is preserved in these countries. The Castle had high castle walls, dungeons (we didnt get to go in there), a big, beautiful courtyard and a museum which housed so many historical paintings, figurines and artifacts. The Castle was on a steep hill, surrounded by a very lush forest and from the top of the walls, you could see miles ahead into the ocean. Apparently, this served as a lookout point in past times when enemy ships were trying to sail into the city.

One sad point to note was the number of black people (mostly North African origin) who littered all the tourist spots, trying to sell all sorts of goods and services. It was a bit weird seeing in real time how they would congregate in one spot and hurriedly pack up their stuff and run to another spot once they saw a police officer in the distance coming towards them. It was very sad and humbling seeing them try to make a living offering to braid hair and selling obviously fake football jerseys, fake designer bags, shoes, and all sorts.

Every good thing comes to an end, though, and we were quite sad to leave. After some very last-minute shopping (side eye to Chioma), we hurriedly set off for the airport and got informed of a delay to our flight back home. Waited at the departure lounge for a bit before they sorted their stuff out, and we safely made it back to our beloved Brum.

All in all, a very well spent vacation on a beautiful island.

Gracias Palma, Mallorca, nos vemos pronto.