Just one of them days...

Hi Guys,

You know what? Some days are not just it.

It's Thursday morning in the office, i'm just minding my own business and trying to force the minions in my head to let me be. I have work piled up and i'm trying to get it out of the way.

Peace, (my very good friend who i am currently having one of those "not-yet-defined"/ "its complicated" relationships) calls me on the intercom.

"Okey bobo, how far?

" Sweetie..i'm fine. Any better?"

"are you very busy? this one you're sounding distracted"

"Babes, leave me naa..i get work to do"

"Yeye. See ehn, there's this stuff i saw on Linda Ikeji and i know you'll want to attend"

"You're on Linda Ikeji by 10.20 in the morning??"

"abeg abeg abeg, just check it out. You'll thank me later. It was just posted"

and that's how, ladies and gentlemen, i find myself looking at an advert for a Singles programme tagged "Love is not enough". I don't even give it a second glance and get back to work.

Later during the day,(during one of those periods at work where you've done all you can and just want to chill but you're still looking at your computer screen and tapping your keyboard like you're working? lol..) , the minion that controls my crazy thoughts and makes me do stupid stuff was pounding on my brain, jumping up and down and insisting i check it out again. So i open up the advert and read through. First, It doesn't look like a bad gig as its being held at the very classy Oriental hotel, and then i notice something i missed the first time, its absolutely FREE.

Hmmmm.....i've seen programs like this where they charge you an outrageous sum to come and “mingle with singles”, only to flop terribly either because everyone there's all snooty or the organizers don't know what they're doing or just flop generally. Anyway, my minion is doing cartwheels and i'm like ...okay...what's the worst that can come out of it? worst come to worst (Is that even good English?), i won't even bother showing up depending on how i feel  and since its free to boot...

I download the entry participant form, fill the required fields and quickly click submit so my minion can stop humping the wall in joy.

As the fates would have it, i get an email about an hour later from one of the companies i applied for a job with , informing me that i've been invited for an interview by 12.30 pm on the same Saturday as the singles event was to hold.

It's a no contest as to which one to attend. (The other minions are now holding their crazy friend from jumping off a bridge in despair).

To cap a crazy day off,  i get another email by COB from the organizers informing me i'm among the elite few to be selected for the program and i should kindly find attached a gate pass to the event at the Oriental Hotel by 4.00 pm on Saturday.

Since both venues are within the same area in Victoria Island,  i make a quick decision that if the  interview goes well and ends on time, i might find myself going for the show but if not, head on home to rest for the weekend.

Alas, on the fateful day, the interview went well. So well, that a few of us were asked to wait back to have a chat with the CEO. To cut a long story short, we finished everything around 5 pm. I was thinking of just heading on home but (as my minion was literally on its knees) i decided to pop in and see if the event was still going on.

So i nose Susie (Yeah, she's fully back now but that's another story for another post) onto Lekki-Epe expressway and into Oriental hotel. Oriental is a 4 star hotel, very classy with all the works and my Susie is seriously looking out of place beside the luxury cars there. Anyway, class is relative so i square my shoulders, straighten my tie and locate the venue of the hall.

The ushers outside assure me i'm not entirely late so, i present my pass, they inspect it, hand me a form and i step in.

My Goodness!!!

You can literally smell the estrogen in the air and my wicked minions are already leaping for joy.

A quick survey from my place at the entrance shows that the place is packed full with a male - female ratio of approximately 1 : 3. No kidding.

I quickly scan for a good place (with lovely babes obviously) to sit, but there's nowhere available at first glance. This is awkward. I'm the only one standing , The guy up front on the podium is going on about the how sex makes marriages work and i'm now desperately looking for a seat when two ladies beckon to me to join their table.

Alas, i'm too relieved to get a seat to notice that the table i rush to is full of "matured" single women in their late thirties and early forties. Oh God!!!.I know the program indicated 28 and above as the age range for the participants but this is ridiculous. I'm surrounded by, well, average looking ladies who are obviously not spring chickens anymore. Sigh.

Its a table for about 12 and we're only three guys there. I don't even need to start up the conversation. The one beside me, Esther took charge and made introductions. My charm minion takes over and i start engaging them in conversation.

I don't mean to sound conceited but after just 20 minutes, i want to BAIL!!!.

Its a total disaster!. My expectations coming here are to meet single, professional, witty, intelligent babes who, (might as well just admit it) also wouldn't mind hooking up, with something a bit more serious coming later on .

As far as this goes, its a total bust.

Esther and another lady Prisca are trying very hard to get my undivided attention but to put it very mildly, they're most definitely not going to get any nomination to a beauty competition. While im trying to keep the gist flowing, they jump from one silly topic to another until i want to choke myself. And the really hard part of it is that they’re so bloody persistent. I can barely even get a word in to anyone else and i honestly think of abandoning my gentleman principles and telling them to fuck off.

Apparently, one is an aspiring entrepreneur who is looking for someone to sponsor her fashion house while the other , who is currently looking for a job is very glad to tell me very personal details of her brother’s wife who is causing issues in their family. Esther is really forward and asks me immediately for my phone number and BBM Pin.
 I’m too surprised to resist or refuse and i meekly surrender them over to her.

I manage to sneak a glance at the form in front of her and see the D.O.B(which, even though the form specified only Month and date, she had added the year ) and i cringe when i see she’s 6 years older. It’s not long before i start desperately looking around and i see some lovely looking girls at a far off table already being corralled by some hustlers. Unfortunately, all the seats in the hall are taken and i’m forced to drag my attention back when Prisca laughs and asks me why my “mind is not here”. Lord!

I take the easy way out and tell them i’m expecting a call back from my earlier interview to which they start quoting scripture and telling me it will be favorable for me IJN.

About 15 minutes later, the MC, a very jovial guy announces an upcoming couples game which is to be held table-by-table. WHAAT?!!!

I quickly take a fake phone call, excuse myself from the trauma table and head straight for the exit without a backwards glance. Outside the huge doors, I turn round and sigh in relief as i realize i’m not being followed.

It’s that kind of day! Even the lovely ushers that were outside earlier had all gone.

I waste no more time and head for the parking lot. Locating Susie is even more traumatic as i got lost about three times before seeing her.

Driving back home, i try to reflect on the day’s events and conclude.

Some days just no be am at all...