Sugar things....

Hi People,

Happy new month to you all.

Life is going on and well, its not exactly what i want for myself at this stage, but i really can't complain.

So, in the spirit of openness and candor on this blog, i'll relate a crazy experience which happened to me some time ago.

Now, being a guy roaming the single wilderness looking for whom to devour..lol...one fine day after work in the office, i happened across a very intriguing dating site and though i'm not usually one to join up to such sites,  given some crazy past experiences, something that day,( boredom? impulsiveness? agro? mischievous minions?) made me say..screw it all and click on the "sign up" tag on the screen.

So i get introduced into another world of online dating. This site (not going to promote them on this blog) is very different and shows all the sides of human nature you can think of.

Here i get a crash course into the world of quick meets, sex contacts, kinks, crazy fetishes, swingers, swinger parties, blogs, acronyms i've never heard of: CD, TV, TS, and the like.
The thing is, its not a local site but also caters for a worldwide audience.

I'm like a Unical babe at a sharwarma joint!

Now, i usually don't need help to get crazy and wild but there are so many things to explore. I take a simple solution of narrowing down all searches for potential matches to Nigeria and soon get a potential number of hits.

At this point, i have to confess that it's really just curiosity driving me to explore, so i take a chance, create a well crafted profile bio and send requests out to a few potential matches just for the fun of it.
An interesting profile of a middle aged woman who claims to be fifty one years old catches my eye and i also send a friend invite to her.

After a while of browsing on the site,my initial enthusiasm wears off. I log out and get back to preparing to leave for the day..

Now, fast forward about a week later, i get two emails signalling that i have unread stuff in my inbox from the site. I eagerly open it and guess what? it's from the middle aged lady.

I'm intrigued. I open it up and read a very well articulated and great email from her.  Jumoke(Not real name) gives me a lot of details about herself, and tells me she loved the bio and would like for us to be friends. It's short and to the point.

Hmmm.....I like!!!

So i mail her back and that, ladies and gents, is how i get my first real life online...err...whatever..

We'd been chatting via mails for a while and seeing as this was getting kind of childish, one day i ask for her number so i can call. She laughs and tells me that as a matter of fact, i should send her my number. She informs me that seeing as she is much older and richer, she wants to be the one doing the calling (with her caller ID hidden). WOW!!!.

I don't know what to say so i put up the customary protest of course, but she is insistent. She seals the deal by telling me of a very nasty experience she had with another younger guy who turned out to be a gold digger and was always bothering her on the phone.

People, that's how the phone talks started o. Turns out she's very fun and whenever she calls, we actually have great laughs. Her number was always hidden so i really never had any chance to call her back. She's raunchy too (which i like) and sometimes i have to make sure i'm alone while taking her calls so i can respond..lol.

This goes on for weeks and i decide to take the bull by the horns and ask for us to meet. Her reaction is like....NO.
I'm a bit baffled, seeing as everything is going on well and even though this is not relationship territory, it's most certainly hookup land. I start to wonder and ask her point blank if there's any challenge to us meeting or she's not interested that way. She tells me there isn't but that she's just comfortable the way we are right now. (Hmmm indeed!!)

I decide not to push it and we go on like this for a couple of months. She even gives me her number and when i feel like it, i call her as well. This is new for me and its fun.

After all the initial gra gra, this weird online/phone relationship starts to fizzle out on both our parts. Even though i cant say why, it's not really as hot as it was initially.
Then one fateful evening, she calls me, sounding very hesitant and shy and tells me she's going to send me a few of her pictures and i can decide what i want after that.

hmmm...interesting.

She gives me another number of hers and i add her up on Whatsapp. Soon after,i get a series of pictures and a very long message.

Screeeeeeechhh. HOLD UP!
Now i can see why she's never wanted us to meet physically.

Jumoke is HUGE!! as in really obese (and not in an attractive way). Her message below the pics contain an invite to an orgy!!!! HERE IN LAGOS!!!!

She tells me she has some friends in one "swingers club" who are coming in from Canada and would like to meet up with several Nigerians interested in a private orgy!.

Meeehn...i know i can be crazy and wild, but abeg, this one pass me.

I haven't responded to her and we haven't spoken since the ending of June.