Milestones

  Hey baby,

It's been 730 days since we cemented the best decision of our lives and to be honest.... I say a prayer in my heart every day for all the fates that brought you into my life. 

An ordinary WhatsApp status update or whispered words at night would not do here...I want to let you know how much you mean to me and make you fully understand that you are my entire universe.

To describe the last two years as "Amazing" would simply be a great disservice to what we've shared and is a massive understatement. 

I love you my baby.

Everything that's happened to us over the years..... the highs, the lows, the differences, the arguments, the happy moments, the sad ones, the major life-changing decisions..have all somehow converged together to solidify what we have, and honestly babe, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My Chinky mama... you are an incredible person. 

Okay, I want to gush unashamedly here. 

I'm sure I've told you before but these two years have reinforced it...there's a special something about you that calls out to people and makes them love you wholeheartedly. (In my head, I call it the "Chinky charm"). 

This special quality of yours attracts grace and touches everyone that associates with you. I know, because I've been a major beneficiary. 

You've been an amazing daughter, sister, and friend. To see you grow into the role of "wife" has also been nothing short of amazing. 

Did I mention how beautiful you are?  

Heei God!!...pure undiluted Ada Mbaise beauty with a touch of posh London babe and sprinkled liberally with baddie sexiness. Yes o...who dey breet!.

There's so much I want to say and funny enough, it's not difficult to put into words. 

I acknowledge it's not been easy for us. We are different in some respects.... differing music tastes,  water temperature choice for cereals, personality choices, love of buka food (lol), calling vs texting, procrastinate vs get it done now, random beer joint vs posh restaurant....etc..

However, Babe, do you notice that somehow, we've managed to start understanding our differences and accommodating them subconsciously? I think of it sometimes and realize that this is a very good thing and we're on the right track as far as a long happy marriage  💑 is concerned. 

I bless God for you again. 

I confess unreservedly that you are the driving force for all the positive things that have been happening in our lives and yes my love...(before you roll your eyes at me) I know I should listen to you more.. lol 😆. 

I pray today that God will keep blessing us. All our hearts' desires will surely come to fruition. We'll definitely start a beautiful family of our own and celebrate many more years ahead in love with each other as if it was the first day, travel a lot, make maaad money, progress positively in our professional lives, help our families progress as well and generally become everything we've always wished for ourselves. 

I love you baby. 

Thank you again for being in my life and making me happy. 

Cheers to the next 58 years ahead (or so)!🥂🥂

edit: Oct 3rd. Second anniversary post 

London.

 May God punish all things poverty related! (AMEEEN!)

You know, it's one thing HEARING how things work in other parts of the world and actually SEEING these things directly.

As i said in one of my previous posts, i don't want to always come off sounding like one backwoods bumpkin, but it's always a startling, pleasant shock to witness an organized, functioning system in action. I actually think culture shock has never applied to me personally (I'm a bit too urbane and well-read for that 😉😉)... It's always the realization that this is what and how things should have applied back home, that gets me down in the dumps.

It wants to make you weep for Nigeria.

How do i even begin to describe London? Maybe i'll do it from my personal perspective. (What else??🙄🙄).

People first. I'm not sure why, but almost everyone i've met are all from outside the United Kingdom!! London is such a mixed pot of everyone and it always seems like you're hearing every language in the world apart from actual English. Even when you do, it's either heavily laced with native accents or coming from folks who have obviously lived here all their lives.

Of course, I'm aware that there are lots of British people born to immigrant parents and all, yet the sheer number of foreigners in London is pretty impressive. It's funny because a lot of folks here have started adopting British mannerisms...(both good and awful).... the polite indifference, mind-your-business attitude, always-in-a-rush movement patterns and weird addiction to pets. Despite it, you can actually tell that once you make the first move, people here are genuinely good and very very pleasant. Matter of fact, people here insist on being friendly and charming once you initiate conversation. Coming from my gidigbo Lasgidi background, it's actually a fantastic change in mindset. Opening doors for others, giving up seats for people in need, the politeness, actually obeying driving rules (i know right!!)....it's all ingrained in folks here and thats so good to see.

I haven't decided whether maybe its because we're in London and mayhaps they're some badly behaved people in other parts (yeah..racists, i'm referring to you pricks) but personal experience has been good so far.

The economy is great too. Very funny seeing as there are so many complaints from people here about it being very bad now, what with Brexit and all but looking at it from OUR perspective, LMAO.... again LEEMAO!! It's actually pretty decent and you can very easily make a living doing anything. Food here is so cheap. I remember the first time Chioma and i went to Asda (our current favorite supermarket) alone, we had to restrain ourselves from getting everything we needed and a whole lot we didn't need. Some things we would have to budget-buy in Lagos were just regular off-the-shelf stuff. Crazy. (p.s Chioma is a shopaholic (don't tell her i mentioned it. She's not aware)). Overall, its not difficult at all to live easily here.

I think one of the best parts for me is the public transport system here. Never have i been more comfortable not having a car than i have here, because everything is so organized and well run. Trains are great and run on time, buses are generally on time as well. You just have to make sure you time yourself properly and you should be fine.

This paragraph is officially dedicated to giving a major middle finger to NEPA aka PHCN aka Terrorists aka bane of my previous existence aka darkness demons aka economic stiflers...and the list goes on and on.... After four decades of my existence, i'm finally experiencing and adjusting to what 24 hrs power entails. Oh yeah!!..there are actually adjustments to be made. Stuff like not having to warm your food twice a day, power banks, rushing to iron clothes, charging devices ish, generator noise, inverter wahala etc are all things of the past. GLORY HALLELUYA!!. E dey shame me to even pen this down but i still have PTSD whenever i hear a sudden siren sound. If you know, you know.

School is a whole new world as well. I'm studying Human Resource Management at the University of East London and make no mistake, its been a bit tough, seeing as my last academic engagement was almost a decade ago but all in all i've settled and doing quite nicely. You see we Nigerians? we can make noise about japa but compared to Indians?? we are learners. My class is full of Indian students. Fortunately for me, i have a lot of experience dealing with them (from Freshdesk and Nairabet) so its been okay. They actually like me a lot (who wouldn't 😎)so we get on very well. 

The housing here is one of the major downsides sha. Like how do these people live in such small rooms and houses?? I jokingly compared the room sizes here to our boxroom in boarding school and i'm not even wrong. Coupled with the fact that almost 60 - 70% of income here goes to paying rent in London!!!. It's just absurd. Sometimes just for the fun of it, i wonder how much our apartment in Silverpoint estate would cost here. lol. Anyway, everything cannot be always great yeah?

Even though we are now residents, Chioma and i officially did the mandatory tourist rounds and really, London is beautiful. So much history in the streets, buildings and locations...can't describe it all but the following pics capture just a bit of what is a beautiful city and our new home.

New beginnings

 My goodness!

At this point, i can't even claim that it's being busy that's kept me from posting on here.

I have just resigned myself to the fact that if I can actually go more than two years between posts on this "blog"...then so be it. No more apologies, no backward glances, no beating myself up...just accept it and move on. (Minions be damned) and well...so should you, dear reader.

There's so much to update on that i don't even know where to start. 

So, I'm currently writing this draft early, wrapped in a quilt, on a freakishly cold December morning in.....(drumroll).....LONDON!!!

Yeah, so first and most important update...we took the plunge and decided to "Japa" from Nigeria and all its wahala. No need to linger on how stressful the relocation journey can be. See ehn.. i just know that this was one of the hardest decisions we've had to make. Chioma and i sat down one day and had a conversation about how the direction of our lives would go...despite a couple of absolutely great breaks on our parts..(My brilliant wife landed a series of well-paid jobs) the outlook on staying in Naija was still very bleak. Factoring in the current disastrous economy, oncoming recessions, tribalism-laden political climate and to put it simply, the planlessness of the Government, it was a no-brainer.

Naija 1-0 Okechukwu

We started planning on how to make this happen and again, all credit to Chioma. My wife has this uncanny knack of fixating on things and making them happen. Great stuff because, if i'm being honest, except for vacationing and infrequent trips, the attraction of actually living "in the abroad" has never appealed too much for me. (I'm not sure why. Maybe, we've all just assumed its a Cosmas Ibemere thing).

We researched emigration routes, destinations and plans. Eventually, the option of schooling abroad made the most sense. Since Chioma's job was remote (little blessings), paid so much better, is time zone favorable and could be translocated, we decided that i would be the one doing the schooling and she'd be my "dependent". In all these, the UK held the most appeal and so our japa journey commenced.

 Getting admission to schools here was the easiest part. Everybody and their third cousin were all applying and getting admission. The major problem was funding. How the fuck would we make this work? You see, when people achieve something and then attribute it all to luck and "na God do am o"...best believe that's all bull crap.

It was tough.

We started trying to save money and even at that, still had to take substantial loans to make everything work. In our case, Chioma's salary was a lifesaver and enabled us to achieve a lot of the requirements without running mad from worry. Family, good friends, and my input from NB salary also had to be put to work. From traveling to Abuja for a TB test to paying insane IHS and Visa fees at UKVI, from trying to convert Naira to pounds and buy relocation stuff, from putting money aside for accommodation to researching cheaper plane tickets to buy, it was all just a very big financial headache.

 Again, special thanks to family and friends who helped out in so many ways....Uncle John, Uche, Mom, Nnamdi, Sandra, Emeka, Ugo, Ify, IK and Aunty Ngozi. All the moral support was equally as necessary as the financial support which these fantastic people all rallied around to give us and make the whole endeavor a success.

Now, sitting here in our studio apartment in Wembley (mentally urging this room heater to "gbera"), i look back and give thanks for everything we have accomplished so far and can only see it as the beginning of so much greatness ahead for us!

Naija 1-2 Okechukwu!

p.s: A lot of the oncoming posts will be backdated stuff which I feel are necessary, random, and too important not to put down for posterity.

Random musings of a fragrant day

 

It’s one of those days when you wish you had just stayed in bed.

 

Wake up, shake cobwebs out, clear your head and start preparations to get to work on time.

Looking sharp despite the restless clammy night, you grab wallet, phone, charger and car key, kiss wifey who’s still curled up in bed (thanks WFH) and step out.

A quick scan on Google Maps makes you step back in and drop car keys. You thank God again for technology because a reasonable stretch of Addo road gleams a vibrant oxblood red on your phone screen.

Sigh…It’s going to be one of those days.

Pull out your wallet and another quick glance shows a scattered assortment of notes plus one or two heavily denominated ones so you’re reasonably certain of not getting stranded cash-wise.

A decision has to be made.

Your small pepper has only just recently rested so the thought of being spotted in public transport doesn’t daunt you at all…indeed, a smile breaks out as you contemplate the adventure which is getting to the office on time.

Step out sharply once more, give some instructions to your amazingly laid-back security man about granting access to the generator repair guy, then step out to face the day.

Pull on the mandatory nose mask, double twist the handles over your ears to ensure snugness and step out to wait for a Keke out of the estate.

Fifteen minutes later and you start to sweat a bit.. what’s going on??? Where in God's name are these dudes? You’re reasonably sure that this is not always the case so you tamp the panic down and glance at the growing crowd around your popular bus stop.

You definitely can’t be seen struggling for Kekes and being extremely averse to public embarrassment, you step a distance away from the crowd and wince as three Kekes subsequently stop just where you were standing a minute ago and get filled up almost immediately. Damn.

It’s getting late now and just as thoughts of going back to pick your car and damn the consequences surface, a rusty one screeches to a halt near you. The crowd has thinned out, so you quickly gather yourself and step in..

Too late you realize it’s packed with school children who obviously do not care too much about hygiene and a fat woman with a suspiciously covered basket. Driver zooms off before you can change your mind and that’s when the smell of fish wafts across and onto you.

Mon Dieu!!! It's awful

You turn your head, grateful to be on the end of the seat and stick your head partly out of the doorway. Thankfully It’s not a very long trip and despite a grab from one of the crazy school kids at the mobile phone in your hand you arrive the estate gate without any further incident. With a final scalding glare at the disembarking kids, you pay up and face the next leg of the journey.

A few steps forward from the Keke stand, you look at the bus stop and wince inwardly at the crowd waiting for vehicles to Ajah.

Mahn, what is going on today??

You really can’t afford any more wasted time after the Keke wait so you change tactics and start scanning for Okada riders.

Same story as their unfortunate keke brethren. There are virtually no bike guys around.

A few of them actually stop to pick passengers, however, the obscene amount being quoted as transport fare discourages a large percentage of the crowd. A glance at your watch and remembering you’re not quite cash-strapped makes you think about it only briefly as you rush to the next available one and hop on after indicating destination and agreeing to his murderous price.

As he zooms off, it hits you again.

At first, you assume olfactory PTSD of the earlier fish woman but no, this is a new one.

Your bike guy has chronic body odour and it feels like he works at an abattoir as a side hustle and has never bothered showering/doing laundry for a while.

It’s not too late to ask him to stop but you think quickly about it and presume that with increased speed, presence of nose mask and the breezy weather would make it a bit better.

It doesn’t.

As he gradually increases speed the smell wafts out from his being and literally…hugs you…no warning, no indication, just reaches out and chokes you prematurely. Hey God!.

It’s made worse by the raised seat contours because as you try to lean back away from all bodily contact, you slide back all the way down every time he pulls the brakes (which is often).

As a cloud of black, choky, exhaust fumes pour out all over you from a passing sand tipper truck, you turn philosophical and resign yourself to fate.

He squeezes the bike past a very narrow gap on the two-lane road at Addo roundabout market, and the final insult occurs when you get splashed by thrashing catfish in a big basin which is positioned just next to the road by an obviously crazy market woman…

In hindsight, most likely as payback for dissing their unknown aquatic colleagues in the first Keke today.

Your smelly bike guy confuses google maps by driving one-way and grins at you when you arrive destination ahead of schedule.

Taking a huge lifesaving breath of fresh air away from his proximity, you seriously consider using some pointedly rude words on him but something in that happy-go-lucky-life-no-too-hard grin of his makes you reconsider and go your way.

Your day has already been ruined. No need to add him to the list.

 

 

 

 

COVID 2.0

 

As if all the havoc it has caused is not enough, this Corona virus shit still keeps on doing the most.

Since inception, we’ve had more than a million people worldwide lose their lives to this fucking virus. Economies have been badly hit, lockdowns have been in place, schools shut, Churches/mosques shut, social distancing becomes the order of the day…. And even though there have been major strides in developing a vaccine, we still get more bad news all the time.

Imagine hearing that after the initial strain of COVID-19 has wreaked its havoc worldwide, there’s a new discovery of its mutant brother who is also coming to dance on the stage. Christ!!!

Not sure we are ready for another lockdown again o..the last one brought out all shades of evil in people here in Nigeria and it’s going to be a disaster.(to put it mildly).

Already developed countries are facing the second wave of the virus and more and more people are getting infected and dying daily.

You wanna hear something funny? There are literally millions of people who do not believe that the vaccine which has been developed can protect them and have vehemently stated that they’re not going to be vaccinated!! This is coming on the heels of this virus fucking shit up everywhere and making life a misery.

Still, we have these fools living with us. God help us.

#ENDSARS

 

Nigeria…the land of kolomentality.

Hi guys, it’s been a bit going on all year, and even though I haven’t had all the time in the world to post regularly (*minions eye roll*), let's just say this year is one for the books.

So, even though the Fucking Wuhan virus was sure to fuck up world economies as expected, trust Naija, our own economic recession was epic!! As in, things have become very expensive, there’s hunger in the land while some bastards hoarded palliatives meant to assist, jobs are scarce, the government is a colossal failure and everything had to come to a head somehow…

Cue in the #ENDSARS protests.

What started as an online regular protest against the idiots known as SARS*, took on a life of its own outside social media and escalated to full-blown coordinated protests against the government asking them to scrap the killer cops.

Coordination was so good and well organized that the clueless clowns in power were obviously scared and anticipating another Arab-Spring type of situation. So they resort to their evil tactics. While pretending to accede to the demands on one hand, they go full out with devious plans to quash the uprising on the other. Hired thugs are brought in to disrupt the protests and cause chaos, the usual suspects of tribalism and religion are employed (mostly in the north) and are unfortunately minorly successful in dividing parts of the populace. Still, the protests go on with youths banding together to strongly condemn SARS and all their evil practices and relations.

Finally, the Govt, fearing the worst, play their most devious hand.

October 20^th, 2020 the Lagos state Govt imposes a curfew and sends soldiers (with obvious instructions) to the Lekki toll gate to get rid of protesters.

Now, if there’s anything well known about Nigerian soldiers, majority of them, sorry to say it, lack basic common sense. These fools go to the toll gate venue and eventually open fire with LIVE FUCKING rounds on people gathered there!!!

Thanks to some live streams from the venue, we can see exactly whats going on and it’s an absolutely horrific scene. People are injured, shot and some blatantly murdered.

It’s an overwhelming shameful stain on our collective and honestly that day remains one of the worst days in a year chock full with horrible days.

The enormity of the decision takes its toll and Nigeria is prominently featured in a bad light the world over for a while. Unfortunately, it has the effect of ending street protests as honestly, nobody wants to die for this useless contraption called Nigeria. However, the government knows it has lost the people and we wait to see how things turn out.

Meanwhile life goes on in this patch of the world as we try and come to grips with the reality of living in this part of the world.

Mma Gracie...

 

2020. The year that keeps on taking.

My grandmum, Ma Grace Ejiogu has passed on to glory. Sigh.

Seems like people always reach out and tell you there’s no reason to mourn, as the person in question lived to a very ripe age of 95 and that it should be a celebration of life instead. I understand the sentiment but I wonder why its assumed that its not supposed to hurt when someone you love passes away at a very old age.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t the closest relative to my late grandma but the truth is that every single time we spent together over the past years, I could always feel the love this special woman had for me pouring out and showing in her very unique way.

I think of all of us, I got to spend the most time with Gracie Moses (her nickname of unknown origins). Mostly because I would often come back to the village on holidays back then in my school years in Calabar. I’d always be sure to spend some part of my time in Awaka with her because even rebellious teens back then still needed to feel pampered by Grandma’s love. And she took the pampering to another level in her own very special way.

Mama was old school. I am so certain that her own love language was performing acts of service and feeding you till you burst..Chai…who can forget the meals at Awaka!! She’d shuffle around (even with her painful arthritis) to ensure that there was always something hot and ever ready every single time we were around. I mean, it’s the little things you know.

She taught me lots of things as well. It was under her tutelage that I learned the basics of farming. Gracie used to take us to her massive farmland and work the land with us. She taught us how to process garri from scratch. Harvesting the tubers, peeling them, grinding, sacking the mash , and finally frying them to get the sweet grains.. in fact, I reckon I should include cassava peeling as one of my skills in my CV. That became my favorite chore when we had to do them.. Truth was that there were always lots of local girls back then helping out and they were always admiring this cool young town guy who didn’t mind peeling cassava and frying garri…lol

To my eternal chagrin, Gracie would always hover around and make sure they didn’t corrupt her sweet angelic grandson and she’d chase them off once any of them lingered too long after we’d finished. She wasn’t quite as effective as she thought though as I still have some very nostalgic memories of the bathroom stall at the back of the compound with some young nubile girls. Sigh.

Arthritis is a bitch. It caught up with her and slowed her down massively over the years. To the point that she eventually became bed-ridden and had to be taken care of by my wonderful aunt Theresa and later on by my parents when she had to stay with us at our home in the village for quite a while.

So many fond memories of her…She had this thing where she’d give every one of her grandchildren a special name that was hers and hers alone. It was a very endearing gesture and till she passed, she’s been the only one who calls me Azubuike..lol..

We’ll miss you grandma. Thanks for the love, care, memories, wisdom and for just being you.

Sleep well and say hi to pops when you guys surely meet on the other side.

Ps: This is one of my favorite videos of her I took much later on when she was with us.