Warts and all

 Hi guys…

Its serious introspection time over here and honestly, being the continuous work in progress that I am, I’m constantly discovering and trying to correct or come to grips with some icks I’ve uncovered.

So I’ve lately been discovered that I’ve been subconsciously looking down on a lot of the Indian community around the area here in London. Oh God…it sounds even worse writing it down, and it’s so fucking weird because, and I say this with every sense of truth (and irony), This is NOT me. At all. I’m not sure how or why this started but it took Chioma pointing it out and calling me out on it more than once, for me to reflect that I had been doing this by way of making snide remarks and comments, giving pointed looks at some decidedly funny behaviour from some Indians and generally being a bit snooty towards them. I’m not sure why or where this disgraceful behaviour emanated from but I’ve been taking serious steps to course correct. Like I said it’s very weird because most of my classmates in school here are from that lovely country and I have made so many great friends who are genuinely warm folks to be with. Anyway, I’m steady learning and growing so…hopefully this foolishness doesn’t happen again.

This is not a new one, but this procrastination thing is really annoying as fuck. I talked about it here years ago and even though I’ve drastically improved this behaviour, I still find myself wandering back into that crazy procrastination country once or twice when I have tasks to do.. I’m very sure the fuel for this behaviour is the fact that I ALWAYS manage to finish up all tasks before deadlines and not just complete them, but do a kick-ass job of ensuring they are awesomely done. Maybe one day, I’ll miss a deadline and then force myself to kick this habit…sigh.

Finally, what in Gods name is this behavioural tendency to automatically lock up, fall deep in thought and become depressed for days when I get some unfavourable news? I’ve always been able to communicate how I’m feeling at every point, especially to Chioma but this trend has been popping up lately where I’m just not in the mood to talk and it’s been affecting our relationship whenever these bouts come along…. Chioma, being the type who cherishes constant comms (The easiest way to get on her wrong side is to ignore her…lol..) is always at the receiving end of this and honestly, I need to do better.

 

Like I said earlier, it’s all work in progress though and I’m glad I’m able to reflect, identify and take steps to constantly improve. It’s not always easy confronting your demons but so help me God, its what we must all at one point or the other, take time to do.

So there you have it…warts and all…it’ll all get better. I promise.

Milestones Part 3 – “Happy and Thankful”

Hi Love,

So, it’s been 1,095 days of what I can only describe as the best decision I’ve ever made. 1,095 days of getting to know you and love you more. 1,095 days of being your husband and without a shadow of a doubt, 1,095 of the best days of my life.

Ahhhh, what a year we’ve had babe…

I look back at this last year and again, I can only thank God for blessing me with you in my life.

It’s been a crazy year hasn’t it…. lol. New country, new house, new family, new life, new places, new school, new food, and new experiences but through all these up and down changes, one thing that has never wavered has been my love for you. I think I can safely say it increases even more.

It’s not been always rosy my love. We know the toll this past year has taken on us personally, both as individuals and as a couple. However, I can safely say I love how we’ve stuck it out and grown through everything we’ve been through, and I must tell you babe, I’m so very proud of us.

All credit to you babe. You’ve been my rock and a pillar of our family, pushing, supporting, loving, cajoling, and generally being the BESTEST wife any man on earth would be lucky to have by his side. Sometimes, babe, I know that I can be quite the handful…. (Even though we both know I’m quite a catch 😉😉😃) but what your love, presence, patience, and support has done, is to gradually change and make me a much much better version of the man and person I can be. God bless you for me.

I love you so much babe.

I’m so grateful for you and I thank God everyday for the fates that brought you in my life. Like I tell you most times, you are so very easy to love. Infact, as far as I’m concerned, anyone who doesn’t immediately like you is absolute bad vibes and has to be avoided. I also have to say, your personal growth is nothing short of amazing. I have seen you become a much better version of yourself …emotionally, spiritually, workwise and in so many other ways over this past year. My prayer for you is that God keeps blessing, protecting, and uplifting you always.

It can only get better my love. I love how we always talk together about our life plans and as you prayed very recently, this month shall be one that brings favor for both of us.

I will always celebrate us babe. I know that what we have is special and honestly, my love, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Keep being the incredible person you are. You have so much to offer the world and I swear that I will always be right by your side being your biggest cheerleader and supporter through thick and thin.

So, on this special day, Chinky mama, here’s a toast to us: To the life we have, to the love we share, to the future that awaits us and to the very best of growing old together…. May God always envelope us with his love and blessings now and forever!!

Cheers to the next 57 years ahead (or so)!

 

 

  

Analysis Paralysis

 Hey guys …so a recent status check had me reflecting back to a period of our lives when we had so little choice in the forms of entertainment.

I’m talking early years while growing up. It was slim pickings back then. You were either stuck with crappy tv stations, limited choices of books, there was no internet access, mobile phones were unheard of (Goodness, I sound like an ancestor).

Anyway, what brought this on was the situation I found myself in a couple of days ago.

So, I’m seated in front of the TV and absolutely overwhelmed with the amount of options displayed before me. I think I’ve come to understand why it’s difficult for people these days to focus on one thing. It’s a virtual smorgasbord of options.

Normally, our Samsung smart TV came with in-built options of platforms to choose from: Netflix, YouTube, Disney, Amazon, Apple TV, ITv, Rakuten, etc... We then synced Chioma’s Samsung account and got a whole host of new entertainment options added to the mix through Samsung TV platform. Omo, the channel choices choke.

To take it to a further level, I then bought this smart tv box, to get access to live football matches. That was my only innocent intention for the purchase, but I swear, it has taken things to an entirely whole new level. There are options for live tv from more than 9000 stations, Radio stations from more than 100 countries, a VOD (Video on Demand) service storing more than 18000 films, and a Series platform that has roughly 5700 plus different series. Mind you, the VOD and series platforms are always being updated so the choices are always increasing!! WOW.

So, on this fine morning, I wake up early and decide to watch some tv. One hour later, I’m still seated here frozen with indecision about what to watch and trying to narrow down all the temptingly wonderful choices.

Mehn…I miss the simple days of our DSTV compact bouquet.

All this, in addition to the allure of all the social media platforms springing up every day and the numerous novels I have both in physical form and e-copies. Bruh.

It’s not a small something at all.

Musings in motion: Road trip reflections

 

I’m currently seated in a bus…sorry “a coach” travelling down the M1 highway on my way to Birmingham. The greenery rushing by the window side is giving me memories of the several road trips I used to take back home, when going to the village or anywhere outside Lagos. Ahhh fond recollections of God is Good motors or the infamous Jibowu stretch of bus services…

Its so familiar, you could be forgiven for thinking you’re on Ore-Benin highway… only difference is that there hasn’t been even the whimper or bump of a single pothole all through the journey so far, no stressed looking hawkers carrying (my beloved) plantain chips, bottles of water, soft drinks, egg rolls, gala, or any of the million myriad things you’d have them trying to foist on you, no long queues of endless traffic, and significantly, the only thing that has made us stop so far was when there had to be a change of driver at a service station….no tree trunks blocking the road, no burning barrels and certainly no stupid rifle wielding, lunatic policemen forcing you to park to the side with their stupid stop and searches…. God..i don’t miss it at all.

Another amazing thing is that they’ve actually predicted the pick-up and drop off times to a certainty of almost 100%. You book your ticket and they immediately notify you of when the bus will leave the station, and exactly when it will stop at your destination. Pick up time today has been spot on, I’m pretty sure drop off will be too. Coming from those “say a prayer” days of “you go reach anytime you reach” while travelling back home, this is such a welcome relief and is as should be.

I also recall with fondness, my recurring bad luck with seat partners every time I’ve travelled alone and for the first time, seems like luck has changed….This trip i’ve had interesting seat mates, an Australian, rugby looking player who joined me to try and hunt down a non-existent seat number and a very nice lady (seems Danish)who I had to bounce out of the seat I planned on appropriating  when I didn’t locate my seat number… We’ve all been gisting and the conversation has been interesting…apparently, they’re both doing solo travels across countries and exploring as much as they can before the cold months set in… White people are so conversational..its amazing. Divulging so much details about their lives and everything…oh well…

The countryside (I use that term loosely here) is brimming with so many fields of some type of crop and its so beautiful. There are signs everywhere directing you on where to turn off, many well maintained bridges and other road infrastructure (speed cameras, hard shoulders, streetlights).. I’m so sure it would be a joy to go for a long drive here…sigh..

Its been an interesting trip so far….. My seatmates have finally stopped chatting and have dozed off…I’m just staring out the window, lost in thought and psyching myself up for the interview I’m heading to. Wish me luck folks.

hopefully I’ll update with a favourable outcome of this trip at the end of it.

 

"Could you spare a pound?"

 May God forgive me cause I’m not sure what it is about the matter but all I know is that the sight and variety of London beggars always stirs up something in my guts. Maybe it's because in that weird part of your subconscious, you really don’t expect to see the same thing which you’ve been a front-row guest to almost all your life in Nigeria, but don’t get it twisted… London has its share of that part of society and I suspect almost all the countries in the world have the same.

I acknowledge it’s a bit naïve to think otherwise but it’s still a bit jarring to encounter the same thing you see at Ajah roundabout on the streets of Wembley or Hendon. Anyway at the very least, a point of difference is in some of the styles they use to beg for stuff here.. the classy ones will attempt to foist some sort of product (usually very low quality)on you to buy, such as hastily picked flowers, face tissues or other contraption…..the semi crazy ones always shuffle up to you and pitch their sob stories with a straight face and strong entitlement mentality, all the while expecting you to accede to their requests no questions asked… while the crazy ones, always shabbily dressed and obviously high on some shit just do the usual beggar shuffle and outrightly accost you to beg for money. However, there are also the genuine ones who you can tell are really down on their luck and due to the vagaries of this bitch of a life, are just forced to be in that situation. You can find them always sitting humbly in strategic corners, handwritten placards and open hats or bowls in front, hoping for some change.

Another funny thing about most of these groups is that they’re always very specific on how much they want you to give them….. “oi mate, could you spare a pound?”..

Pound ke? Do you know how much pound is changing at aboki??

Leemao.

Substance abuse is everywhere too. The number of beggars high on one substance or the other is also concerning.

We decided to stroll down to McDonalds for a quick after-Sunday-mass breakfast and this weird scary-looking dude starts following us and urging us to give him money. I notice he has a bad case of the “shakes” from whatever drug he was on, so we ignore him and move on but this guy keeps following us (Chioma, Vanessa, and myself) and becoming a nuisance so I turn round and sternly tell him off and he slinks off. About twenty minutes later, this same dude shows up at the McDonalds while we’re eating, pushes up to our table and virtually leans his drooling face above our table (with food on it)  to beg for whatever…I almost lose it at this point and tell him clearly to fuck off. Damn!... About fifteen minutes later, we see him bumming cigarettes outside the car park from someone who should clearly know better..

Same location, same day, same time period, this extremely shabbily dressed (I’m talking obese, junkie shabby. Dirty blanket, undersize exposed bra, panty string hanging out of exposed butt cheeks, coarse hair all over the place), obviously “high” lady shuffles into the place and pretends to order something from the self-service machines. After a quick look around, she comes over to our table and starts talking quick about how the machine is not accepting her order and if I could help her order some food…We are clearly irritated and easily on to her scheme but I indulge and instruct her to go to the counter and resolve whatever fake issue she has. She tries to insist but eventually realizing she’s on a one-chance road with me, she waddles off to another black man in front of another self-service machine to try out her trick.

Three days later, I’m on my way back from school. It's been a long day and an even longer meeting with my project supervisor. My regular route was closed for maintenance so I’m on a different train. My eyes are closed, the rocking motion of the train is hypnotic, and Sade is crooning softly into my earbuds when all of a sudden the interconnecting door between the carriages flings open and this weird Eastern European looking dude steps in. Now I’m seated close to the door so I’m the first person he meets. He screams out something in an unidentifiable language (Not as if I would have known where its from anyway) and falls to his knees in front of me!! He goes on asking and begging for money as he needs to eat and feed his family!!. (In reasonable English now o!)

Unfortunately for him, he’s talking to the wrong person cos I’m from Nigeria which has desensitized us to this form of emotional blackmail.

I open my eyes, respectfully pause Sade’s enchanting voice, remove my earbuds, and deliberately stare at this dude. This stare down continues for about 20 seconds and I do not even utter one word. Na you go tire. However...it’s getting really embarrassing and like his sister from Mcdonalds, he finally realizes he’s wasting his precious time and gets up to move on to someone else.

Honestly, I really hate the fact that Naija (and especially Lagos) scams and fraudsters have turned us all into this distrustful, fatalistic, quick to doubt, double-check-every-story-before-you-help people because in reality, that’s absolutely not who I am. I’m very generous and would love to give as much as I have. (as I do on occasions where I’m convinced).

Sigh. It is well.

 

All tabs open

 Omo, I’m not gonna lie, this school thing sucks!

So we’re in the final stretch and I’ve been working on my dissertation. Bruh its not easy o.

There's so much to read, learn and research. I’m writing a project topic on reward management and staff motivation and I decided to use Nairabet as a case study. (Good choice, if I say so myself)

Turns out that there is no easy topic when it comes to a dissertation. There are countless theories, perspectives, themes, and critical angles to consider as well as all the academic rigour that comes with doing primary research. Luckily for me, the good HR folks in Nairabet didn’t stress too much with giving consent (seeing as it was requested by one of their illustrious alumni…lol)

So I’m in the middle working and I realize that I have three chrome browser windows open and a total of forty six tabs open on my trusty laptop!! Wow.

Some of these tabs are repetitive but most of them have different content and relevance to one or another aspect of what I’m writing about. Na wa o. Apparently, I get better results working when I have multiple sources of input or resources available.

Make of that what you will. Its Monday...i need to get back to the grind.

Chocolates and Perspectives

 There's a lot to be said for different realities for different people.

 So I have this good friend in my class who’s Vietnamese, Thy (Yeah…that’s her name) and for the past few months, she’s embarked on sightseeing around different countries in Europe just for the fun of it. She came to class recently from her last trip and gave me some divine chocolate she brought back from Switzerland.

I’m not entirely sure about her background but it got me thinking about how different people have different perspectives to this thing called life. Apparently, it's sort of a goal for her to see as many places as possible while she can and that’s just so amazing. Meanwhile, I’m here, worrying for the metaverse, just hoping to get a good job, make enough money to take care of myself and family, and try to live a comfortable life.

I know, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but yet, the whole thing got me thinking and asking myself…”are you really living?”

What happened to your travel dreams? What happened to all the fun you planned to have in life? Surely you cannot keep worrying about everyone else. Honestly, it’s insane how life speeds by really quick and if you blink, it’s gone past in a minute.

It’s obvious I have to put more effort into doing the things I actually love. Chioma has a philosophy which in hindsight now, is absolutely spot on. No matter how bad it gets, she deliberately puts aside some of her earnings to spend on HERSELF and nobody else. It could be a bag she wants, an ice cream, a movie date, a new outfit….anything at all….just make sure you spend it on yourself, doing stuff you love or getting something you like.

Its brilliant and I need to adopt this philosophy.