"Could you spare a pound?"

 May God forgive me cause I’m not sure what it is about the matter but all I know is that the sight and variety of London beggars always stirs up something in my guts. Maybe it's because in that weird part of your subconscious, you really don’t expect to see the same thing which you’ve been a front-row guest to almost all your life in Nigeria, but don’t get it twisted… London has its share of that part of society and I suspect almost all the countries in the world have the same.

I acknowledge it’s a bit naïve to think otherwise but it’s still a bit jarring to encounter the same thing you see at Ajah roundabout on the streets of Wembley or Hendon. Anyway at the very least, a point of difference is in some of the styles they use to beg for stuff here.. the classy ones will attempt to foist some sort of product (usually very low quality)on you to buy, such as hastily picked flowers, face tissues or other contraption…..the semi crazy ones always shuffle up to you and pitch their sob stories with a straight face and strong entitlement mentality, all the while expecting you to accede to their requests no questions asked… while the crazy ones, always shabbily dressed and obviously high on some shit just do the usual beggar shuffle and outrightly accost you to beg for money. However, there are also the genuine ones who you can tell are really down on their luck and due to the vagaries of this bitch of a life, are just forced to be in that situation. You can find them always sitting humbly in strategic corners, handwritten placards and open hats or bowls in front, hoping for some change.

Another funny thing about most of these groups is that they’re always very specific on how much they want you to give them….. “oi mate, could you spare a pound?”..

Pound ke? Do you know how much pound is changing at aboki??

Leemao.

Substance abuse is everywhere too. The number of beggars high on one substance or the other is also concerning.

We decided to stroll down to McDonalds for a quick after-Sunday-mass breakfast and this weird scary-looking dude starts following us and urging us to give him money. I notice he has a bad case of the “shakes” from whatever drug he was on, so we ignore him and move on but this guy keeps following us (Chioma, Vanessa, and myself) and becoming a nuisance so I turn round and sternly tell him off and he slinks off. About twenty minutes later, this same dude shows up at the McDonalds while we’re eating, pushes up to our table and virtually leans his drooling face above our table (with food on it)  to beg for whatever…I almost lose it at this point and tell him clearly to fuck off. Damn!... About fifteen minutes later, we see him bumming cigarettes outside the car park from someone who should clearly know better..

Same location, same day, same time period, this extremely shabbily dressed (I’m talking obese, junkie shabby. Dirty blanket, undersize exposed bra, panty string hanging out of exposed butt cheeks, coarse hair all over the place), obviously “high” lady shuffles into the place and pretends to order something from the self-service machines. After a quick look around, she comes over to our table and starts talking quick about how the machine is not accepting her order and if I could help her order some food…We are clearly irritated and easily on to her scheme but I indulge and instruct her to go to the counter and resolve whatever fake issue she has. She tries to insist but eventually realizing she’s on a one-chance road with me, she waddles off to another black man in front of another self-service machine to try out her trick.

Three days later, I’m on my way back from school. It's been a long day and an even longer meeting with my project supervisor. My regular route was closed for maintenance so I’m on a different train. My eyes are closed, the rocking motion of the train is hypnotic, and Sade is crooning softly into my earbuds when all of a sudden the interconnecting door between the carriages flings open and this weird Eastern European looking dude steps in. Now I’m seated close to the door so I’m the first person he meets. He screams out something in an unidentifiable language (Not as if I would have known where its from anyway) and falls to his knees in front of me!! He goes on asking and begging for money as he needs to eat and feed his family!!. (In reasonable English now o!)

Unfortunately for him, he’s talking to the wrong person cos I’m from Nigeria which has desensitized us to this form of emotional blackmail.

I open my eyes, respectfully pause Sade’s enchanting voice, remove my earbuds, and deliberately stare at this dude. This stare down continues for about 20 seconds and I do not even utter one word. Na you go tire. However...it’s getting really embarrassing and like his sister from Mcdonalds, he finally realizes he’s wasting his precious time and gets up to move on to someone else.

Honestly, I really hate the fact that Naija (and especially Lagos) scams and fraudsters have turned us all into this distrustful, fatalistic, quick to doubt, double-check-every-story-before-you-help people because in reality, that’s absolutely not who I am. I’m very generous and would love to give as much as I have. (as I do on occasions where I’m convinced).

Sigh. It is well.

 

All tabs open

 Omo, I’m not gonna lie, this school thing sucks!

So we’re in the final stretch and I’ve been working on my dissertation. Bruh its not easy o.

There's so much to read, learn and research. I’m writing a project topic on reward management and staff motivation and I decided to use Nairabet as a case study. (Good choice, if I say so myself)

Turns out that there is no easy topic when it comes to a dissertation. There are countless theories, perspectives, themes, and critical angles to consider as well as all the academic rigour that comes with doing primary research. Luckily for me, the good HR folks in Nairabet didn’t stress too much with giving consent (seeing as it was requested by one of their illustrious alumni…lol)

So I’m in the middle working and I realize that I have three chrome browser windows open and a total of forty six tabs open on my trusty laptop!! Wow.

Some of these tabs are repetitive but most of them have different content and relevance to one or another aspect of what I’m writing about. Na wa o. Apparently, I get better results working when I have multiple sources of input or resources available.

Make of that what you will. Its Monday...i need to get back to the grind.

Chocolates and Perspectives

 There's a lot to be said for different realities for different people.

 So I have this good friend in my class who’s Vietnamese, Thy (Yeah…that’s her name) and for the past few months, she’s embarked on sightseeing around different countries in Europe just for the fun of it. She came to class recently from her last trip and gave me some divine chocolate she brought back from Switzerland.

I’m not entirely sure about her background but it got me thinking about how different people have different perspectives to this thing called life. Apparently, it's sort of a goal for her to see as many places as possible while she can and that’s just so amazing. Meanwhile, I’m here, worrying for the metaverse, just hoping to get a good job, make enough money to take care of myself and family, and try to live a comfortable life.

I know, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but yet, the whole thing got me thinking and asking myself…”are you really living?”

What happened to your travel dreams? What happened to all the fun you planned to have in life? Surely you cannot keep worrying about everyone else. Honestly, it’s insane how life speeds by really quick and if you blink, it’s gone past in a minute.

It’s obvious I have to put more effort into doing the things I actually love. Chioma has a philosophy which in hindsight now, is absolutely spot on. No matter how bad it gets, she deliberately puts aside some of her earnings to spend on HERSELF and nobody else. It could be a bag she wants, an ice cream, a movie date, a new outfit….anything at all….just make sure you spend it on yourself, doing stuff you love or getting something you like.

Its brilliant and I need to adopt this philosophy.

Pounding the Naira

 

Well… we can't say we weren’t warned…

 Hi guys, it's been a minute. So,as Nigerians, the past few months have been crazy. From the Shambolic elections (INEC Bastards) to Tinubu becoming a selected president to the removal of subsidy(rightfully so but horrible implementation) to our fucking NASS members to the tanking of the economy and finally ladies and gentlemen, our Naira doing very well in the Olympic diving events and taking a nose plunge into the deep end. As of time of publishing this, One British pound could get you about 1100 naira and that is using official channels.

Wait.. what????  

As someone who earns in pounds at the moment, I’m seriously torn between bursting out crying or jumping for joy.

But seriously. What the absolute fuck!!

Things are terribly tough back home at this time and its honestly heartbreaking. You speak to your folks back home and get this sense of despondency about how things are turning out and get this feeling of dread all over your chest. The worst part is that there’s only so much you can do about it. Sending money regularly is the easy part but that’s all we can do right now.

Truth is, even with all the advantages of living in a saner society, there’s still so much to be done, and a whole lot of financial ish to get yourself settled properly in order to be able to help. My school year is gradually coming to an end and the next stages are fast approaching… we need to get visa status sorted out asap and that is no easy feat as well. The minimum wage, 20 hour/week jobs can only be sufficient for sorting out bills and maintaining a living right now, saving is difficult…and so on and so forth.

Mahn..I’m tired

But then, I remember whats going on back home and reflect on how lucky I am. At the very least, we can even afford to send money home comfortably. Last I checked, my weekly shift wage is equivalent to some people’s entire monthly wage back home. Gaddemn.

May God save us.

The process

 This Adult education of a thing sef.

Honestly, this post was going to start off as a rant but I don’t even have the energy to do so. But I won’t lie, it can get very frustrating doing this school thing at this stage of your life.

I’m not sure why, but these days I lack the will or motivation or ginger or whatchamacallit to even pick up my books and study for the semester. I’m having to literally force myself to concentrate in order to get things done when it comes to school matters. Of course, I have been powering through mainly because of the thought of whats at stake for us over here in the UK but honestly, given a choice, it wouldn’t be this school route ever again.

Funny enough, it’s not a matter of capacity or ability. I’m easily one of the best-performing students in the class, no cap. A lot of my classmates are mostly unserious learners or as usual, focused more on being in the UK to continue life irrespective of the means.

Could it be a function of age? other more pressing life matters? general disinterest? It’s weird asf and not at all funny but everything these days just seems to be more focused on getting on with life, achieving financial stability and family-oriented stuff.

Well, not so strange when viewed from that lens but it’s still a point of worry for me.

Maybe it’s because the finish line is in sight or maybe just because I have a really pressing dissertation to get through for the last part of this term. Seeing the fact that the latter is a project that I am fully committed to, I’m just gonna have to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

Anyway, I’m mostly just penning this article down so that, someday after successfully graduating and settling myself, I’ll look back, read this and probably laugh at the tough times i went through.

Ahhh.. back to work!

 

Passing times

 Yeah..

So, as usual, some recent events had me reflecting on things…

I was asked for my email address while on a work call and it elicited a lot of giggles when I called it out.

redhotokey@gmail.com.

Looking back on that call now and the source of the laughs, I can understand the amusement. What in God's name were we thinking back then in forming all those fancy email names we chose? If I’m being honest, maybe the realization of how immature it sounds is because we’re all grown up and mature now, added to the fact that the novelty of emails and all things internet was the rage back then and there was this hype to try and be as cool as possible…

But “redhot”??? (groans in cringe!!!😖😖)

Anyway, it just made me reflect on the fact that life is very transitory. What's hip and cool today could be very much the source of giggles for future generations.

I mean look at clothes. I recall some of the outfits we wore back in school. Baggy jeans, baggy suits, baggy shirts and co were all the rage… Except you’re Idris Elba, go and try it these days and get your ass laughed off.

It's all the same with so many aspects of life.

Social media has gone ballistic. Facebook and twitter and Instagram are gradually becoming “old school”. There's now Discord, Snapchat, and the ubiquitous chief time consumer TikTok.

Clothing has changed, sagging which was delinquent behavior back then has become all the rage

Language is gradually evolving (as should be, I guess) new slangs are popping up every day..”steeze” “drip”, “trenches” etc..

Sigh. Times have to change I guess.

The email thing wasn’t just me, by the way.. almost everyone did it… *ahem… there are some worse ones from people whose names won’t be mentioned (for my physical safety😂😂). You’ll see things like “chillibebe64@xyz.com” or ruby2everly@xyz.co.uk or creamylucci@xyz.com..... Lmao.. everyone had one and I suspect there would be much worse ones too…

Anyway, thank God for growth. Biko, I have opened a new (acceptably mature) email address which I’ll be using going forward on official comms..

Not that it really makes any difference anyway but I embrace it and accept it with all the cringeworthiness and you know what…. redhotokey actually sounds very cool. Lol.

Silver, Gold and Legacy things..

 There’s this saying that overly righteous, God-fearing Nigerian parents used to drum into the heads of my generation back when we were kids growing up

“A good name is better than silver or gold”

Honestly, I have to say… there’s something about it that suspiciously felt like moralistic bullshit to me. It almost always felt like you HAD to choose between one of the options i.e a “good name” OR “silver and gold”. Somehow, it also always seemed to come from the poverty angle and to me, it sometimes felt like it was coined to try and justify the fact that poverty was nobody’s choice and there was something noble about the insane suffering you encounter when you are poor. (Truthfully, it might just be that they were urging us not to engage in any financially enriching activity that would put the family name into disrepute)

Bruh, there’s absolutely nothing noble about poverty o… especially when the suffering comes about from decades of deliberate mismanagement and plain evil greed of leaders who would rather die than see their fellow countrymen and country progress. There’s also nothing noble about poverty when the people spouting this saying have not done anything positive to try and improve their own lives by working hard and doing their own individual best to better themselves and again, I have to stress that poverty absolutely does not justify any form of criminal behavior in the cause of trying to get out of it. (Fraudsters, yahoo, 419ers, criminals, Nigerian leaders so far… na thunder go fire una generation)

But, why can’t I have both?? A good name AND silver or gold or Bitcoin or forex (lots of it) or …anyway, you get the gist.

Anyway, this post is not about poverty or suffering.

The aforementioned saying popped into my head once or twice over the last couple of weeks and on reflection, I recall Nze (God rest his soul) occasionally saying something similar. In truth, we have all seen and have been beneficiaries of the goodwill generated just by being associated with the Ibemere name and this can be solely attributed to the fact the Nze Cosmas a.k.a Cossy Gee was a very good man during his time here with us. In fact, the best of men.

Anyway, it turned out that my cousin Confidence just finished her service year and needed to get a job asap. Now, I have a very soft spot for all our extended family (at least the ones I know) but the Akalonu kids have a very special place in my heart. Their family has been so generous, kind and loving to everyone and to me especially. I practically lived with them for large parts of my life back in my youth (honestly, one of the best periods of my life) and Its been very satisfactory watching them all grow up to become well-rounded amazing individuals who have the same set of positive values we were all raised with.

So, I placed calls back to my folks at Nairabet and that’s when I realized that having a “good name” really has value as an asset. There was no hesitation about assenting to my request and as a matter of fact, they even bent backward to make sure Confy got the spot all because it came from their dear Mr. Okey.

Wow.

The best part of it is that Confy is a fantastic asset in her own right and would make a brilliant addition to the team. So, a win-win all around.

Now, I’m not going to start the false humility bit because I know I really put in the work back then and helped so many people during my time there but it was still a very pleasant realization to know that I have massive goodwill from so many people, further evidenced by all the positive comments which Confy mentioned have been coming to her because they found out she’s related.

Well done Okey! You did something good back there. (*plucks flower and hands myself)

Anyway, folks, the moral of the story is to help others as often as you can and ensure you make a positive impact on everyone you work or interact with by leaving them much better off for having known you.

Also, I think I’ll put my own spin on that saying….

 “A good name is better when accompanied by silver and gold”.

Yes, thank you.